A very close friend used to say this. The days go slowly and the years fly by. So true. It is amazing how every single year, as we approach December, we start to wonder how quickly that year passed, exactly like the ones before this one. Even my eight year old seems to have now become mindful of the passage of time – this time he exclaimed how short 2018 seemed to be. It is one of the blessings of very early childhood when we have no sense of time. After that, life just seems to rush by.
A new year is a time to reflect on the past and look forward to the future. To be honest though – I wasn’t really into much reflecting, till a year or so ago. Either it is old age catching up or just that these last few years have been so densely packed with incidents and emotions that reflection comes naturally.
I had welcomed 2018 with a hope. Having had two difficult years, I was hoping 2018 would be better. But if only wishes were horses…. No sooner had we stepped into 2018, I lost my dad. My being succumbed to the depth of its emotions, and even I was taken by surprise at the extent of my grief. However, I am slowly healing, we all are.
This year can perhaps best be described as my painstaking journey from the depths of despondency to tentative optimism. While I am yet to fully emerge in the sunlight, I can see the first specks of light beyond the dark tunnel I found myself in. A huge help in finding the way has been my writing. I started to blog at the beginning of 2018.
This was a huge step since I am a very private person – and sometimes even find it difficult to acknowledge my own feelings. The decision to blog, and to continue doing that was a significant U turn. So I wasn’t surprised when my sister said somewhat complainingly that I was more comfortable sharing my feelings with the world than her! (But sweetheart you know how much I love you!) Or when a new colleague told me that she didn’t know much about me, except of course my deepest feelings! I guess I have always been better at writing my feelings instead of saying them!
Blogging helped me in more ways than I had imagined. I had started my blog to share our experiences raising Anvay – to give hope and strength to some and in turn hear back from others in a similar situation. However, I soon realized I had much more to share, and how much I loved writing. In a way writing grounded me, provided me with an anchor that I held in the darkest of my moments.
It also introduced me to a different world – of writers. I met new people, attended some writing workshops, made new friends. I am a novice in this field – and it really made a refreshing difference to meet such talented people from a world very different from my own.
Along this road I also discovered Momspresso – a platform that allowed me to share my blogs with many more people. I was able to reach lakhs of readers and the momspresso editorial team was very kind in choosing me as one of their top bloggers of the year and giving me an opportunity to read my blog live to their members. The love and encouragement I received was truly motivating.
And all of you, every single one of you have been important for this journey. There are so many of you who have read each of my blogs, took the time to comment or share. This encouragement matters the world to me. I have been humbled when some of what I felt rang true for you too – several people responded to my blogs about my father – how they shared my pain of losing a parent. A lot of you responded to my blogs on Anvay – some of you shared similar stories – stories of hope, many of you sent prayers. Just knowing that so many of you are with us and care for us was more than enough to give me the energy to continue moving.
While in writing I found an anchor, my work has always been my mainstay, my foundation. Towards the second half of this year, I got the opportunity to work in Central Asian countries. While it was an exciting opportunity, it also meant significant amount of travel. We thought over it and decided that we will manage. Armed with extra support from my mum and spouse and 2 full time helps, the family took the significant decision to take up this challenge. And before I could realise, I was travelling 10-12 days a month. The experience was exhilarating and very very enriching. (more about it in future blogs) It also meant that I did not have much time to dwell on anything besides managing work and family and played a huge role in stabilizing my emotions.
On the whole, 2018 has been a harbinger of change. There have been big shifts and small changes; a big loss and a certain level of triumph over emotions. My blogs perhaps tell the story of the entire year very well and it is only fitting to try and summarise the year through them. The twins are two now and Abeer has reached the next level of brattiness (don’t think that’s a real word – but fits)! Anvay is progressing well and his naughty little personality has started to shine through! His smile makes our day and now we are hoping that he starts to at least stand by the end of 2019! I am more or less at peace with his condition and understanding life much better through this lens. We continue our experiments with our first born – and this year Arnav seems to have become more mature and quite a geek – likes to read anything to do with geography or science – including biology and quantum physics! (he has informed us that the male body’s main purpose is fertilization – though he is still not sure how fertilization actually occurs.). Time to plan his 9th birthday – likely theme is science, no surprises there.
My pregnant tummy hasn’t gone anywhere (obviously, since I have done absolutely nothing about it) – and I am wondering maybe tummy tuck is my redemption? My soulmate however happily lives through the THICK and thin – and maybe secretly happier that I am more like his shape now!! Well that aside, the maid situation has improved and just before I started to travel, I managed to get two good domestic helps – and the sense of peace that brings is more than perhaps meditation could!
2018 has been a kaleidoscope of events and my biggest take away probably is that when you have your family and friends rooting for you, supporting you, you can overcome anything. I have an immensely supportive family starting with my husband and mum (and dad), always standing rock solid behind me. As also are my mother and father in law – ready to step in whenever required and a very loving extended family – both from Kapil’s and my sides. A supportive workplace and colleagues are my added blessings. And with all of you added to my family now – world is a happier place! Love and hugs to all of you. So a happy me welcomes 2019 and looks forward to it!
I like the way almost all blogs on working mothers get a mention of the quintessential domestic help. Mom n I caved in this year, and we got a maid to support our compulsive cleanliness behavior. Life has certainly become less stressful for me, not so sure about Mom (she still thinks we need to clean mire). But I still remember a good friend of mine saying something to me when I was complaining about the workload – you do what you can, and the rest you outsource.
yes totally agree… just this afternoon one of my colleagues said she prefers not to cook as it gives her more time to spend with her kids 🙂
Hey Sakshi, I love the way you pen down your thoughts and I’m specifically glad to know how blogging has helped you manage your feelings better and enrich you. Wish you a happy and promising new year!
Thanks so much Ankita!
Blogging offers a sense, almost a stepping stone into being braver with sharing thoughts and feelings. I can relate. But I love your sense of community. Made me feel apart of the family. Lol
thanks so much Zai! I am glad you felt that way – the readers have actually become part of my family. Thanks!
Very inspiring blog post! I am so sorry about the loss of hour dad last year, that is so hard, I know as I lost mine right before Christmas in 2016. You seem to be a strong woman and have found your purpose. I really enjoyed reading this and wish you the best this year. Oh, and congrats on your award last year, very cool!
Thanks a lot. Yes the year was tough and at the same time full of activity.
Congratulations on your 1 year in blogging!! So happy for you! I love your blog and all of your inspiring posts!
Thanks so much Holly for liking so many of my posts! Do follow if you would like to.
Congratulations on your award! And what amazing growth you had in 2018!
Thanks so much Melisa!
So much can happen in one year! Sometimes it feels like it is just around the corner but even if the days are slow the year flies. Thank you for sharing your story, for me also blogging is a way to keep me sane and share with others my thoughts and feelings it has also help me know more about myself. Congratulations on your blog and enjoy 2019!
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.
thanks for your words
Ooohhhh yyyeessssss, Sakshi! I got a feeling, 2019 is going to be a great year….much better than my 2018.
Congs on reaching 2019 alive, with the rest of us. I love you.
First of all, I am so sorry for the passing of your Dad, I lost my Mom recently too. I hope 2019 brings you lots of happiness and what a cool mom group you mentioned that you shared your posts with!
thanks so much!
Time definitely flies fast. I am so sorry about your loss, it must be very hard. But I do hope everything bad about 2019 has already happened and only the best awaits you
thanks so much for the nice thought!
It’s true the years do fly by. I realizing that time is a very precious thing so I shouldn’t wast a moment of it. And always take the people you love along with ya.
Hugs first. Hope you gain strength in every moment. Loss of a parent cannot be expressed in words. Good to know blogging is healing you as you pen out your pain and thoughts. I hope your help( domestic help) situation stay stable for long time.
thanks so much!
It’s true that’s years fly fast and with you I’m hoping for a fresh 2019! Congrats on your 1 year blog anniversary! Kudos for ur work!!
Truly a great blog and beautiful pictures.Wish you more happy moments with your family in 2019.
Completely agree with you, time flies. And congratulations for your achievements. Keep up the good work Sakshi
Time really flies super fast.. I completely agree with your words .. And congratulations dear..
Very inspiring what you did. I am also among the top bloggers on Momspresso and it certainly gives an edge. Good luck. 🙂
The quote that you have shared is so true and I loved reading your post. I also write on Momspresso. It is a great platform to share your feelings and get connected with fellow moms.
yes it is a very good platform. what do you write as? I will follow you. and do follow me if you can.
Congratulations on completing one year and wish you many more happy years to come. This is such a sweet happy community love kinda post.
Congratulations on the award …you had an awesome 2018. Let’s hope this year is ev e n better for you especially emotionally
thanks so much!
sorry to hear about your loss. But kudos to you for taking it up so well. and Congratulations on your momspresso journey. May the year 2019 brings you much happiness
Much love to you dear! It’s hard when it comes to losing our dear ones! Anyhow, I’m glad that just like in my case you also WRITE when feeling low.
House helps are life saving. I loved how you took us on your journey. Congrats on the top blogger Fb live. Amazing indeed.
Congratulations on your successfull blogging Journey. Indeed life unfold Beautiful things on us with time
So for you 2018 was amazing with success, love and happiness. Blogging is something that gives us an identity as an individual. It makes our life better.
Congratulations dear for this achievement and stay strong , your parents are always with you in your heart. Hope this year brings you the best