Hey Arnav! Happy 16th! And I am so happy that this year you are back with me and I can hug and wish you in person! But I did enjoy writing to you on your birthday the last two years, when you were away at boarding. Without realizing, I started a tradition and one that I would like to keep regardless of wherever we are. Because these words can then stay with you forever, words you can come back to at any time of your life. With these blogs, I will be leaving a bit of me with you – a sort of love shield to protect you even if I am not physically present, even when I am long gone.
Oops, I feel the tone got a bit morose – which it shouldn’t – talking about separation, when I should be celebrating the fact that we are together on your birthday after two years. But I guess, I am mentally preparing to be away from you again – another year and we will be prepping for your university, you will be ready to sail your boat again. So, no wonder my mind keeps straying!
On the cusp….
Okay! So, my half man – half child, you are at the cusp of adulthood, trying to figure out the world yourself and perhaps looking to find your place in it. I know it is not an easy time – this in between phase, where your hormones and still–developing brain are working overtime, pulling you in different directions, making everything feel louder, heavier, and more confusing. Perhaps you are not able to name these emotions, nor able to place them. And on top of that, you are working hard (or trying to!) to prepare for the next phase of life, to secure your place in the institution of your choice.
I see you. I understand. I try to. And I am right behind you.
And I am ever grateful that you trust us enough to share your feelings with us. I am grateful for our connection, our bond.
Growing up in a complex world…
I am sure when we were teenagers (your dad and I) – we had our own set of emotions to handle, but the world today is a much more complicated place than it was when we were growing up. The world today is louder, faster and much more demanding. There is no switch off. News and updates follow everywhere – the screens are always on. There are wars, economic crises, climate crisis, AI threatening to take jobs away unless you are lightening fast and catch up… and on top of it endlessly curated lives on screen. And you are all always overstimulated.
Our job as parents is also perhaps tougher today than it was for the earlier generations. We need to strike a balance between stepping in to help you navigate a constantly connected, ever-watching world, and stepping back so you can learn to trust your own judgment.
Roots, Wings, and Learning to Trust Yourself
I heard today (on some show) that a good parent gives strong roots and wings to fly to their child. That resonated. I hope Kapil and I have been able to give you both roots and wings in equal measure. We cannot unplug you from the world – you need to learn to navigate the space you will ultimately inhabit. But we need to make sure that as you learn to live in this fast moving world, adapt to its ways, you also learn to trust yourself, remain confident in your innate capabilities, and are able to establish roots strong enough that protect you from being carried away by the currents of uncertainty and pressure that come with growing up.
Some truths remain….
But even so, some things do not change. No matter how much the world shifts, you can anchor yourself with the habits, attitudes, values and principles you develop and cultivate at this age. After all, we are a collection of our values, principles, attitudes and habits.
The importance of showing up, consistently: whether it is going to school despite a stomach ache or finishing your assignment even well past bedtime or just getting out of bed when the world feels dark… it is just a way of telling yourself and the world that you are there for the long haul. That you will stick around even when things are uncomfortable, boring, or hard. Over time, this habit builds trust — in yourself most of all.
And to keep showing up, you need this trio – grit, perseverance and resilience: Unfortunately, our technological advancement has led us to expect instant gratification. Even my generation, who learnt how to wait for things, bide time are now used to immediacy. Instead of waiting every week for the next episode of our favourite show, now we just binge watch. We need something, and Blinkit will deliver in 10 minutes. Waiting seems to have disappeared from our lives.
But a lot of things that truly matter – cannot be reached by a shortcut nor achieved instantly. You will need to work long and hard to get what you want. Growth takes time. Mastery takes repetition. Healing takes patience. And there will be failures along the way. Resilience comes from experiencing disappointment, adjusting your expectations, and trying again, rather than giving up or looking for a faster alternative.
And your truest companions on this journey will be your mind and body. Strive towards building a strong core – both the physical core and a strong internal core. Exercise, eat healthy and get good sleep. Keep your love for walking – great for both the body and mind. And keep your focus on the man in the mirror. Here I am quoting from a book I read at the end of my teens – which came at the just the right time – when I had stepped out of home and finding my own path. Sean Covey, in “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens” starts with the self. And he talks about this great concept of the personal bank account. With the things you do, you either add to your bank account or withdraw from it. The more you add to your PBA, the stronger your inner core will be.
The lectures will continue…..!!!!
Now I know exactly what you will say – “I know mumma, I know!!!”. But you see we all know – the point is to put these in action. And it won’t happen in one go – we need to consistently train our brain and body to put these attitudes and habits in practice. So, start now.
And as far as the lectures go – I am still getting lectures from my mom – so you have a long way to go before mine stop!!! Might as well get used to them! And hopefully something will stick with each lecture I give!!
Love you baby! Happy 16th birthday and wish you lots of growth and happiness in your 17th year!!
This blog post is part of ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’
hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Sameeksha Reads.
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Regards, Sakshi aka tripleamommy
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