Just like many women of her generation, my mother-in-law has adeptly handled her home and profession along with being skilled in many activities such as knitting, crochet, embroidery and needlework, painting, music, driving and so on. But there is a stark difference. She does all this single-handedly. Literally. She was born with a congenital defect in her right hand – she has no fingers or palm – just a small stump at the wrist. But she is a smooth operator and better than most two-handed people at many skills!!
I knew her most of my childhood and must have met her a dozen times maybe, before marrying her son. But I only realized that she operates with one hand after I got married! Of course, it says a lot about my observation skills, but it says even more about how skillfully she does everything that her disability is not immediately obvious. And it says a lot about this person who has worked all her life to make her physical drawback inconsequential. So much so that I cannot even associate the word disabled with her.
So, what goes into making such an iron-willed person? Let’s dive into her story.
Early years
Leela was born in Lucknow in 1955 – first born of the family. I don’t know what must have gone on in the mind of her parents on seeing her disability, but clearly none of that dismay filtered down to her or in her upbringing. If nothing, her parents were determined to raise her no different from another child. This is what I believe to be the foundation of her personality.
Leela’s father worked with Burma Shell, what is now known as Bharat Petroleum and had a transferable job. She was about a year old when her father was transferred out of Lucknow and her mother at the time was pregnant with her second child. It was decided to leave Leela in the care of her grandmother and uncle – perhaps because it would have been difficult for her mother to raise such a small child along with her pregnancy.
From infancy to age 6, Leela was raised by her grandmother – a devout and a strong person. Most of Leela’s memories of her early childhood revolve around her grandmother who she called ‘baua’. She bloomed under her firm but loving guidance. She fondly remembers sleeping with her, doing morning ‘paath’ with her, having watermelon ice creams on hot afternoons, playing carrom and cards. She learnt some of her first skills with ‘baua’. Baua used to knit and little Leela was fascinated – upon her request to learn knitting, baua gave her two thin sticks of a seenk jhadu and some waste wool to practice – and slowly she picked up the skill. She also learnt basic stitching and sewing on buttons and so on with her.
By the time she turned six, her father had moved to Patna, and she had two young sisters by now. She joined back her family then. Life went on at its own pace, playing gitte and stapu, skipping rope and studying under beautiful Irish nuns at Mount Carmel school. Around this time, her dad noticed her love for music and arranged for a Bengali masterji and had a small tanpura made especially for her. The entire family joined, and her mother often accompanied on the table or harmonium. Her skill building continued on the side. Her mother taught her how to stitch on a hand operated sewing machine. She was always treated at par with her two sisters and never made to feel that there was something she could not do. If she got frustrated, her mother’s mantra was to ‘keep trying until you get it’ “koshish karne se sab hoga”.
The realization of being different – and coping with it
The family moved again when she was 11. While she continued to do well at studies and extra-curricular activities, she had a growing realization of being different. Her classmates noticed her hand, and many would make fun of it – behind her back or even in front. Her best friend Sabrina, also her fierce advocate would often defend her against these girls.
She also realized to her frustration that there were some things she could not do. When Sabrina joined the NCC, Leela followed as well. She sailed through the initial desk study but when they went on field, she was turned away. The instructor went as far as to tell her that she should never have been enrolled.
Those days, those years were tough. Sabrina recalls how Leela used to cry often. It was the first time, Leela resorted to the thoughts of ‘Why me?’. Her father sensing her despair, took her to many renowned doctors at that time. They were told that her arm would have to be amputated from the elbow to put on a prosthetic hand in its place. Her father asked Leela to make a choice. She chose to remain as is. And over time worked around her apprehensions, gaining confidence.
Jaya, her friend during Bsc. says that she and her were the only two girls in their class. On their first day, she noticed her disability, she had covered her hand partially, but with a full smile on her face radiating a warm and affectionate personality. She remembers the first day of chemistry class when each student was supposed to perform a titration test to fix a burette in a holder. This needed both hands. Jaya noticed Leela sitting in deep thought, probably contemplating how to overcome this challenge. She never asked for help. Jaya went up to her, started chatting and fixed the burette for her. A help was given, a fast friendship established.
A Whiff of Romance!
Around the time she was twelve, their household had a new visitor. A dashing young man who was studying engineering in Nagpur would often come to their house. She was too young to notice him then, and I am not sure if he had already noticed this little girl at that time. But he did come fairly often, was good friends with the family including baua, with whom he would often play carrom.
When she was fifteen, her father was travelling and as he often did, had left her with a bunch of algebra questions. Anoop (the dashing young man) saw her working out her sums and offered to help. I don’t know if she really needed that help, or if this was the chance he was looking for, to get acquainted! This was the start of their friendship. She admits shyly (even today!), ‘perhaps this was the time I started liking him!’ Anoop proposed soon after. Too young to fully grasp the intensity of those emotions, all she managed was a laugh to veil her shyness.
A few years later, her family moved to Amravati, but the clandestine romance continued ‘a la Bollywood’ style – she wrote him regular letters, and he would give two rings on the phone and stop – their little secret, meaning that he would call in ten minutes and she should pick up.
Soon after Leela finished her Bsc., her father approached Anoop’s family for their wedding. There was opposition as expected – they thought that Anoop could do better, but he put his foot down. In December 1976, at the age of 21, Leela got married to Anoop and moved to Jaipur.
Single parenting: crushing it!
For most of their married lives, Leela and Anoop lived in different cities as Anoop moved from one location to another, many of which were not always family friendly. Often family commitments kept Leela from joining Anoop at his work location and as the kids grew, they preferred the stability and quality education that Jaipur provided. Hence the bulk of parenting fell on her shoulders, and she wanted to make sure that she brought up her boys to the best of her capability.
She was fully attuned to both her boys and in her own words adapted her parenting to the learning styles and personalities of the children. For example, Kapil, the elder one, had an auditory learning style and she taught him by reading aloud his lessons. Nikhil, the younger one needed help in focusing his energies on the task at hand and that is what Leela gave her attention to.
And who better to confirm that than her own sons. Nikhil thinks of her mother as the epitome of single parenting who provided them with everything from emotional support to academic guidance to ensuring extra-curricular activities to loads of fun. She also stood rock solid behind her boys. Nikhil remembers one day when he was at a friend’s place next door, and they were enjoying on the rooftop. His friend slipped by accident and fell from the roof to the hard ground below – fainted and started bleeding profusely. Before he could grasp the situation, out of nowhere he saw his mother rushing towards them like a superwoman, having jumped a five-foot wall in a saree, and took them to a hospital immediately. That day, Nikhil knew that he she would never let anything happen to him.
I also saw that play out in a different way with the elder son. Kapil had an artistic bent of mind and wanted to become a designer. Twenty-five years ago, when limited career options focused on engineering and medical science, the mere idea that a boy wanted to be a designer was scoffed at. It was, if nothing else, a woman’s profession and with no idea of job opportunities going forward. But Kapil was determined and so was his mother. She fended off the family and supported him on the promise that he will clear the entrance exams. He did and now he is a successful design entrepreneur having studied at the top design institutes in India.
AND as her daughter-in-law, I can definitely say that she completely aced in her parenting, by bringing up two solid, sensible and compassionate men. In their own ways, they are both free from the typical mold a society expects from men. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for that!
A compassionate, self-giving teacher
In the initial years of her marriage, Leela was not able to take up any profession. She had also had her two boys in quick succession. But once her second child was a few months old, her father in law suggested she starts working. “You are not the type to stay at home dear”, he said, and introduced her to a job in teaching. Long story short, she discovered her passion for teaching, starting first at a kindergarten and then at a k12 school moving up from teaching primary classes to grade 10 Maths. Her principle had full faith in her and also appointed her the coordinator for extra curricular activities. Having had a solid grounding music and arts,she set about establishing a strong cultural base for her school, unrivalled by any other school at that time. She instituted learning for an array of arts and crafts that included carpentry, blue pottery, clay modelling, needlework, gardening, western and Indian classical dance and music – both instrumental and vocal. Children were placed into different classes basis their aptitude and interest.
In the classroom, she was known as a giving, compassionate teacher. In the words of her friend and colleague Upma, “it is not easy to find someone as giving of herself as Leela. She was devoted to making her students learn and went out of her way to ensure that. I have not seen any other teacher as dedicated as her.”
She taught the much-feared subject – Maths – and taught it with complete compassion. She ensured that Maths was not a subject to be scared of and focused and on the concepts rather than just learning formulae and gave special attention to children weak in the subject. Even after retirement, she continues to teach children online and in person.
One of her students captures it perfectly, “She helps the weaker students come up to the NCERT level and expects the gifted ones to think out of the box and explore more. She is aware of the potential of each student.” Another said that she emphasizes on personally development and scoring higher marks are secondary, adding that she caters to the needs of all types of students – the weak, average and smart ones differently. One student said, “Since the beginning, Mathematics and I have been as compatible as oil and water. But when I came to class 10, you made me realise that I could actually befriend it.” A grateful parent wrote, “I want to thank you for being supportive. I could not make my child like Maths all these years, but it seems you have a magic wand. I am seeing a perceptible change in her. She is practicing Maths voluntarily and enjoying it too.”
Her Legacy
If anything, Leela’s life has been all about understanding one’s limitations and overcoming them. I believe that her disability and her parent’s upbringing – ensuring she never constrained herself due to her disability, defined her approach to life and people.
It is telling when Nikhil says that the concept of disability was foreign to him. “I grew up not knowing the term because to me, it was the other women around me who had limitations, whereas my mother appeared perfect. I believed that every woman’s right hand is supposed to be deformed like my mom’s and hence considered the other women less privileged. This perception stemmed from never witnessing her inability to do anything throughout my childhood. ”
Kapil says that his mom always believed that one can do a lot within their limitations. “It is important to understand your constraints so you know how to work with them, in spite of them. And you can do that, while keeping your spirits high. Always do justice to what you have.”
Amen to those words, and something all of us should imbibe within ourselves. I definitely try to.
I hope you were as inspired by Leela’s story as I was. Please read, comment and share. And if you have been inspired by a woman, let me know, so I can write about them too!
If you would like to read about other inspiring women I have written about, please see below:
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This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Mads’ Cookhouse.
This post is also a part of Her Journey Blog Hop hosted by Manali Desai and Sukaina Majeed”
Thanks for reading this post. Please like, comment and share!
Regards, Sakshi aka tripleamommy
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This is so inspiring. Sometimes makes you think that if a person is determined enough, there is nothing that can hold them back.
What an inspiring journey! With just a few good loved ones around, all journeys become heavenly. Leela seems to be an exceptional person, who kept on working on herself and never gave up. Lucky you, to have such a mom-in-law.
Thank you so much for sharing this inspirational real-life story about your Ma-in-law. From her parents to her future husband and in-laws, I feel so happy that she found support and acceptance, even though it was so challenging for her, it did not dampen her spirit. With such a light at home, I’m sure you all feel energized by her positivity. Also, I believe that one attracts the kind of energy one has, a positive person attracts positivity and love.
Leela’s story serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of resilience, self-acceptance, and the boundless potential of the human spirit. Despite facing adversity, she not only survived but thrived, becoming proficient in various skills and pursuits that many would find challenging even with two hands.
Leelas story is so inspiring. Having adversity still she managed to be proficient in various skills. The story tells us about self acceptance, courage and never give up attitude.
Wow Sakshi, hats off to your mom in law, her parents, your FIL and everyone who stood by her n supported her. Her story is really inspring and i like how her sons felt… ‘she did things as if she didn’t have a disability… so efficiently that they thought that the other women had a problem.’
She seems the kind who excel in whatever they do… wow!
I am deeply moved and inspired by Leela’s story. Her resilience and determination in the face of adversity are truly remarkable. Her story is a testament to the power of perseverance and the human spirit. I feel humbled and motivated to embrace life’s challenges with a similar mindset. Thank you for sharing this incredible story of your mother-in-law! More power to her.
Sakshi, salute to your mother-in-law, your father-in-law, her friend and everyone who supported and stood by her. Truly inspiring. It makes you reflect on the power of determination; when someone is resolute, there seems to be nothing that can hinder them.
Truly inspiring. Inspite of all the adversities and challenges she managed to do what she wanted to. This shows her commitment, resilience and perseverance. So much to learn from her.
Wow, what an incredible story! Leela’s story touched my heart deeply. Her story is a beautiful reminder that with the right mindset and support system, anything is possible.
That friend Jaya and what she did for your MIL in that college chemistry class was so heartwarming. Acts like that are what make lifelong friendships, no? Omg, how cute is Leela and Anoop’s teenage love to matrimony story. I want a separate, detailed post on that please! Even Leela’s FIL was so progressive and understanding. His ”You are not the type to stay at home dear” should be an example for the patriarchal households where women’s roles are limited to kitchens and child-bearing/raising. Leela’s lifestory is so inspiring and exemplary. We can all learn so much from her and her experiences. Thanks for sharing about her with us and reminding us to never let anything come in the way of our goals, not even a disability.
P.S: That last photograph should be captioned, ‘Winning at Twinning’ because it’s just aww and boht you women are rocking the look!
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Leela’s story is a beautiful testament to the strength and resilience that lies within a person, regardless of physical limitations. It’s truly inspiring to see how she has not only adapted to her challenges but also excelled in various skills, proving that determination and a positive mindset can redefine what’s possible. Thank you for sharing her journey; it’s a powerful reminder that we are capable of so much more than we might think.
Truly an inspiring journey. Kudos to your mother in law to not let a deformity define her. Nothing is impossible if we put our mind to it.
Leela’s narrative is a poignant testament to resilience, self-acceptance, and the limitless capacity of the human spirit. Despite encountering hardship, she not only persevered but flourished, mastering numerous skills and endeavors that would pose a formidable challenge even for those with all their limbs intact. She is truly inspirational and I Salute her. My heart thanks to you for sharing her story and achievements with all of us. I am glad to know about her from this post. Keep Inking and keep sharing.
Your mother in law is such an inspiring figure indeed! Hats off to her!
This was such a beautiful trip down memory lane. Coping with being different is never a straightforward line and it’s great to read about Leela’s journey.
From that pain comes the determination to conquer the world. And she has a remarkable journey so far. Such inspiration she is to all of us
What a wonderful inspiration she is . I really appreciate you jotting down this detailed post to help us understand the difficulties she has to wade through and still be an inspiration.
This came at the right time I was feeling bad of being so un managabme about work, life and everything. This is so like a soothing balm to my soul.
wow! what a wonderful lady! This is such an inspiring read, thank you for sharing about her. I know that other people’s ridicule can stop people, and it is indeed a testament to her strength that she has not let anything hold her back and has created a good life and legacy.
I must say your mother in law is a super woman, pwerful, inspiring and way positive. Because of her strong will power and manifestation she conqured every fear in life and got what ever she wanted in her life. The story is soo inspiring, hopefully one day I will meet this super woman in real life.
Kudos to the Inspiring lady who didn’t give up despite all odds and hurdles on her way. Her journey is not only troublesome but also motivates to never consider your self devoid of anything. If God takes away something, he blesses that person with unique abilities that no one can suppress You.
Kudos to your mother-in-law. Thanks for inspiring us with her story. And its not a surprise that a women of her caliber raised sons who were out of the box that society thrusts on us.
Wow hats of to the women who overcome their hardships. Your MIL is on another level of inspiration I must say! I’m sure her determination has given women like you wonderful husbands! God bless!
I’m truly moved by the story of Leela, your mother-in-law. Her resilience, determination, and unwavering spirit shine through every word of your narrative. Reading about her journey, from her early years to her adulthood, filled me with admiration for her strength and grace in facing life’s challenges.
Leela’s upbringing, marked by love, support, and the absence of limitations, laid a solid foundation for her to overcome any obstacle that came her way. Her parents’ decision to treat her no differently from her siblings set the stage for her to blossom into the remarkable woman she is today.
The way she navigated the realization of her differences and coped with the challenges that came with it is nothing short of inspiring. Despite facing ridicule and discrimination, she chose to embrace herself fully and find her own path forward. Her decision to forgo a prosthetic hand speaks volumes about her acceptance of herself and her ability to adapt and thrive in any situation.
Her love story with Anoop adds a touch of romance to her tale of resilience. The way their love blossomed despite the odds is a testament to the strength of their bond and the power of love to conquer all obstacles.
Leela’s journey as a single parent, raising her two sons with love, dedication, and unwavering support, is truly commendable. Her commitment to nurturing her children’s individual strengths and interests while providing them with a solid foundation for success is exemplary.
Her passion for teaching and her dedication to her students’ growth and development are evident in the testimonials shared. She goes above and beyond to ensure that each child reaches their full potential, regardless of their abilities or limitations.
Leela’s legacy is one of resilience, compassion, and unwavering determination. Her story serves as a beacon of hope and inspiration for anyone facing challenges in life. It reminds us that with courage, perseverance, and a positive attitude, we can overcome any obstacle and achieve our dreams.
Thank you for sharing Leela’s story with us. It’s a reminder of the power of the human spirit and the difference that one person’s determination can make in the world.
Warm regards
Such a sweet sweet post! In our society, mothers are seen as saints and mother-in-law’s as the vamps. But your post has given due homage to this paragon. You mother-in-law is truly an inspiring lady. Her dedication to living her life on her own terms, and not let anything come in her way is truly exemplary. Thank you so much for sharing her story with us, and to make us remember that if we believe it, we can conquer the world.
I love the love story of Leela and Anoop. It is so wonderful to hear one of their sons say that he felt his mom was so perfect that other women appeared to be the one with disabilities. How much one can learn from a person like Leela – her strength, her compassion, her perfection as a Maths teachers, her perseverance and her never-say-die attitude. Your post has inspired me tremendously. Please do convey my admiration to your wonderful mom-in-love!
First of all I want to say that her smile is infectious and a grand salute to the spirit of your mother -in -law ! How beautifully she navigated the journey of life ! I had a smile reading about Anoop and Leela ! Thanks for sharing her story and motivating us.
What a heartwarming post! Firstly for the spirit and resilience of your Ma-in-law and secondly for you as daughter-in-law to highlight the story, positivity and strength of hers which do not see too often. Her tale is so inspring and motivates me to never give up in times of adversity or disabilty.
What an amazing life your Mom in law has lived! I was so engrossed in this and couldnt stop smiling! She is an inspiration and a beauty. Her love story, passion and her resilience… just. wow. Thank you for sharing this and you are truly blessed to have her in your life. 💕
Oh my God, is this for real? I was having goosebumps as I kept reading about your mom-in-law. I pay first dose of respect to her parents who never pointed out any difference in parenting and gave the best of their versions. The same continues for your father-in-law who accepted her as she was and still continues to.
This was such an interesting story. You have a good knack for creative non-fiction.
Thanks so much Noor!