So, the first month of the year is coming to an end. Good time to check back on those new year resolutions one made so solemnly a few weeks back. A recent article in Forbes says that, “the average resolution lasts just 3.74 months. Only 8% of respondents tend to stick with their goals for one month, while 22% last two months, 22% last three months and 13% last four months.” Now this was a survey of Americans, but I doubt that the rest of us around the world are much different. Just search the internet and you will find many similar results globally.
I have never been into making resolutions, for most time being happy with who I am (even with my imperfections), but for the last few years, I have started focusing a bit more on certain aspects of life such as health, lifestyle etc. I was surprised to find how hard it was to change habits, despite knowing what was good for myself. For instance, I have really been trying to do more yoga, walk etc. for at least the last two years, and yes, I have made progress, but I am nowhere near doing it on a daily or even a regular basis.
At a recent work retreat, there was a session on goal setting and the one phrase that really struck me was ‘immunity to change’ – and yes it does seem quite true. While one part of you is really striving for that change, there is something deep underneath, that keeps pulling you back.
This year I really want to figure out how best to overcome this immunity to change and make some visible progress. So, while I have no answers that I can share here, what I will share are my struggles, my thoughts and ideas since almost all of us are trying to change something or the other within ourselves. I hope my meandering thoughts will resonate with you and perhaps give you some answers as well. In return, do tell me, how you are working on yourself.
But why is it so difficult to change?
Seriously! We know what is good and important for us – YET, we don’t do it. We yearn for that better us – healthier, fitter, younger looking, cleaner home, more financially secure, more confident, more assertive, more and better of everything. BUT, we don’t get there and do it. Even though it is not that difficult.
Why do I hit the snooze button every morning, when ideally, I should get up and do yoga? Why do I head home after dropping my kid to the bus stop, instead of continuing onwards for my morning walk? Why do I not have my medicines or put on that night cream? Why? Why? Why? Why the disconnect between knowing and yearning for the better and actually doing it?
To an extent, this lack of motivation and ambivalence has to do with the cost and benefits that our subconscious mind evaluates and usually the longer-term benefit is given up for the immediate term comfort. Yoga will give better health but cost me my morning sleep. And sure, I can start sleeping earlier but that will cost me the late-night work I prefer to do in peace. I can also give up carbs, but you see bread is my favourite comfort food and to my subconscious mind, the cost of giving up that comfort is more than the ‘probable’ weight loss in the future.
So, what does one do?
Habit changing is hard and the internet will throw up many resources. And here I am sharing some of my own thoughts and perspectives.
Sometimes, one is jolted into changing (for instance I started taking financial planning seriously, only after my son’s diagnosis), but in most cases, we are not going to get some sign from heaven. My take is that we will need to slowly work towards it till it becomes a habit, a part of ourselves.
So, start with a humble goal, something that you feel is achievable. For instance, right now, I am convincing myself to do half an hour of yoga every morning, go for a walk after lunch (I have a beautiful park next to office) and cut some carbs from my meals (portion control). THERE! I have written it and so am committed! (feel free to check on me and ask how I am doing!). Hopefully, over a few weeks, I would be able to convert these into regular habits. (But also keep in mind – relapse is a real thing.)
Below I am sharing a number of similar concepts that talk to the same idea.
Kaizen
Kaizen means ‘continuous improvement’ and is a Japanese concept we learnt at management school. I remember being fascinated by the idea even then. Even though it was meant for organizational change, I believe the concept can be applied equally for individual change. In fact, on searching the internet I found that an entire book has been written on the topic – so clearly, I wasn’t the only one to have that brilliant though! Kaizen is all about making small, incremental changes that become habits over time. By making these small steps a consistent part of your routine, it will become a habit that you don’t have to think about. So, the key is to start small and stay consistent.
Atomic Habits
In his book of the same name, James Lear talks about a very similar concept. To quote him, “meaningful change does not require radical change.” He suggests that we try to change for the better 1% every day. In mathematical terms, if you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done.
Immunity to Change
Another interesting theory on changing oneself is ‘immunity to change’ and is based on 30 years of adult developmental research by Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey. Simply put, this means that while someone may consciously want to change and even outwardly commit to it, they have an equally strong internal desire not to do so, of which they may even be completely unaware. There is an internal conflict between your desires and the change.
The article here, talks in great detail about how to better understand the internal barriers you have to the change and what you need to do to overcome them. It also shares a great worksheet that you can use.
I especially found this process effective for professional change, but not sure about its use for personal goals such as health etc. But do give it a try and let me know how it goes!
Finally, it HAS to come from within
The one key thing I have learnt, is that change can happen ONLY if it comes from within. No matter the peer pressure, or whatever well-wishers or people in authority or self-help books say, you will change or even make time for change only if it comes from within. When the commitment to self is from within. And this is something my blogging experience taught me. Everybody I know has asked me at one time or another, how I manage to write blogs despite a tough work schedule, managing kids and so on. Before I started blogging, I would have wondered the same. Where is the time? But once I did start and it became a passion, I wrote. Never mind it meant staying up late on weekends, giving up useless time-wasting activities – I found the time. The commitment within drove me to write. And I am hoping that we are all able to find that commitment/desire from within to change ourselves.
So good luck to all of us on our own journeys of change – whether it is fitness goals, mental health goals, relationship goals or professional goals etc. Do share your struggles, wins and tips with us in comments.
This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Bohemian Bibliophile.
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Regards, Sakshi aka tripleamommy
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