Welcome to the new year and a new decade! This is the time for reflection, of new resolutions and the hope that things will change for the better. So, I guess, it is a good time to write about change. Many of you may have been thinking of changing your lives for some time now. But perhaps have been hesitating to take that first step.
Despite wanting change, in reality, we are scared of the status quo changing. However unpleasant the current reality, we are at least familiar with it and have learnt (somewhat) how to manage it. But change….. whoa…. who knows what that will bring? Maybe the new boss would be worse – or my new business will fail – or maybe after the divorce I won’t be able to live alone. The fear of the unknown is the biggest contributor to inertia, I believe. And then of course there are our habits, the ones we keep planning to change but also keep putting off, year after year. Finally, many of us just don’t have the self-confidence to take that big leap. And status quo remains.
I am just like that. I am so scared of change that unless I know the next ten steps (ok, maybe a bit of an exaggeration there), I cannot move. I need to have a plan and then a plan B and sometimes even a plan C – just to take care of my insecurities. Plus of course, my self-confidence often takes a big dive when confronted with change. I really admire those people who believe in “things working out by themselves” – because I just don’t have that kind of faith – not in God, not in life, not in chances.
But perhaps, I should say DID. Because about two years ago, I took the first step towards a change, that ultimately shifted the axis of my life. I took a leap – and to my surprise, a net appeared. And while I can’t say I have become a faithful – at least I now believe that our fears shouldn’t stop us from making that one move – because solutions will appear as long as we work towards them. So, here’s my story:
I moved my cheese – bag and baggage to Almaty, Kazakhstan in 2019. It started in the year 2017, a few months after I joined back office from maternity leave. I was still exhausted – the twin pregnancy seemed to have sucked out all my energy; I was in grief – one of my twins had been diagnosed with a type of brain damage and I was frustrated – there was a feeling of stagnation at work. My memories of those days are washed in grays – dark and gloomy. Some part of my brain told me I needed to get out of this. I needed change – to re-energise and bring out the real me. The real me was not used to living in grief, frustration and without any enthusiasm whatsoever.
In that state of mind, I started to look for jobs and ended up applying to a position, outside of India. I don’t know how I did that. I didn’t think of the fact that my husband couldn’t move with me, I didn’t think of the fact that I had infant twins and there was no way I could take them with me, I was not sure what I would do with my seven year old, and I didn’t think whether or not my parents would or could move with me. I didn’t think of any of the potential problems. I just applied. I took the leap.
A month down the line, I got the interview call. This time I did think – and I wasn’t at all sure how we would manage, if I ended up getting the job. I asked my husband. I asked my parents (they lived with me.). They all had just one thing to say. You go ahead – we will find a way.
A few months later, I got the offer. But by then, life had changed again. My dad, my pillar of support, had passed away. How could I move leavings three kids on my husband and mum? How would we manage? But my mum and husband reiterated – you go ahead, we will manage.
So I accepted, and as I moved step by step, things started to fall in place.
- My boss and I worked out an arrangement where I was able to work in both India and Central Asia while being based in Delhi for the first 8-9 months. This helped me set up domestic help and systems at home and see how things worked while I traveled for 10-14 days together.
- When my husband and I visited Almaty for the first time, we chanced upon a well-knit group of Indian expats and for the first time I felt I could move my mum and kids with me – and there would be a support system to fall back on.
- When I finally had to move, my husband could not come with me. A colleague offered to drive all the way from Bishkek to help me settle in the first few days. Her presence gave the much-needed cheer during those first few days of separation from the family.
- Back home, my husband, mum and in-laws formed a solid wall of support. When nani wasn’t there, dadi and baba left everything back home and rushed to take care of the children.
- A supportive office, new Indian friends, all helped me settle quickly and moreover gave me further confidence that I could think about moving family with me. We decided to move our 9-year-old to Almaty.
- And finally, when almost two weeks of back to back travel came up and I wasn’t too keen on leaving my son alone on a nanny – a friend and colleague offered to host my son at her place.
The change has not been easy – but solutions have emerged, whenever I needed them. Every big or little problem ultimately came with its solution. Maybe not always perfect, but enough that helped me operate. Today we are all in different places – but we meet often, my son loves his new school, I feel like a new person, my husband, mum, twins, in-laws, all have come and visited me and really enjoyed the new place. This change was huge and has not been without its teething pains, but we are all better for it. Our lives are fuller, richer.
The short point I am trying to make is that change is not necessarily something to fear. This experience has taught me a lot. I still plan, but somewhere along the way, I have learnt to trust life a little more. I have started to believe that as we forge our way ahead, different doors start to open, we only need to be vigilant enough to notice them.
The internet is full of stories of people, who decided enough is enough and made the plunge. Some stories for you here and here. Who Moved My Cheese is a simple story of the inevitability of change in our lives and the ways in which we can choose to respond to them.
So if you do want to make a change – make it now. If not now, then when? Embrace the change – invite the change. Grab that opportunity, take that tough decision, overcome those doubts. Get over that inertia.
Decide what you want to change. Your habits? Your job? Your body? Your spouse? A relationship? The current government? Your country? Why not? Go ahead and take that first step, don’t worry, the net will appear. “Leap and the net will appear – John Burroughs”
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Couldn’t agree more with the way the thoughts are so articulately put together!! We all feel that inertia and getting out of that comfort zone is the biggest fear! Thank you sakshi for writing on this and saying that it’s normal to feel a want of change!!
Awesome Sakshi. Terrific mom and a great colleague. So nicely penned down and inspirational.
Thanks so much Naga!
We all feel so scared even if we hv little changes in our life.Sonetimes we question ourselves “will I be able to manage all this”.You hv done so well uptil now.We should hv courage and faith and I think time heals everything.Change is constant and we should accept it boldly.Wish u all the very best for everything always.
A inspiration indeed. Motivation all along.
Rajpal Singh , Almaty.
Yet another piece of inspiration from you dear Sakshi.
Keep writing, keep inspiring.
Change is inevitable and lot of people fail as they don’t want to change. Fear of failures, status etc, you have quoted something correctly. Loved the way you have articulated and I am definitely inspired by you everytime. Loved the story and would read it to my kids as well.
You have written so beautifully and candidly. I am sure it will inspire many to trust themselves for the change 👍🏼
This is so succinctly put, thanks for writing & letting us a chance to see life in a positive way. All the best to the next story of your life, also Bishkek must be a beautiful place, cheers commander
Sakshi, that was a thought provoking and inspiring post. Yes, sometimes our fear restrict us from moving forward. The actual is within but we have all the strength to overcome it. There are many door that are waiting to be opened. and only we have the key.
Lovely post Sakshi….and triple A inspiring!
Wonderful! This is inspiring, Sakshi!
Loved this piece Sakshi Varma. Congratulations on the new adventures, lots of love and blessing to the kids. Way to go girl, my risk taker friend.Talk soon.
Change is the only thing that is constant. And very important and we just need to take that first step into the unknown and we will be fine.
We are actually so scared of change but that’s the reality and we should accept that…Thanks for sharing such powerful writeup!!
Congratulations on successfully taking a major leap in life. I’m glad you’ve found a working rhythm to this new beginning. Well-written and inspiring post, indeed.
You are such an inspiration dear Sakshi I so loved reading about you my dear you are a role model to many
I always love your blogs and believe me, this one really moved me. It’s not easy to accept the change but how you handled is commendable. More power to you dear! You are a fighter with great determination. God bless you and your family.
It’s always important to keep ourselves strong nothing is impossible so wonderful write up.
You are lucky to have family like that. It’s not easy to chase dream. I am still struggling to achieve my dream,passion.
You have gone through so much and are now seeing the bright side of leaving something to chances. I am that person, not the one to plan. But I’m faithful and know that God’s plans are always better. Hope life goes smoothly for you. All the best!
This post of yours was so inspiring, not just for the fact that you opted for a change,without ample planning, but also die to the fact that as a mom, you did what you wanted !
That was a very big step to take. Living away from family specially kids is a big challenge. You are lucky to have a nice group of friends in the new land. Best wishes for you.
This is really inspiring. A good support system in terms of parents and good friends is always a blessing.
Yes we have to workout the things in all circumstances, and love the spirit with which you work.
Change is an inevitable process in our journey called life and we have to accept it. This is very inspiring.
It’s not easy to start again, but as you said we have to trust more and have faith, rest God will make everything go smooth the one way or other
[…] remember how happy I was after moving to Almaty – how easily everything had worked out including finding a great housekeeper, a nanny and so on… And then last year, when my family was […]