So, the first month of the year is coming to an end. Good time to check back on those new year resolutions one made so solemnly a few weeks back. A recent article in Forbes says that, “the average resolution lasts just 3.74 months. Only 8% of respondents tend to stick with their goals for one month, while 22% last two months, 22% last three months and 13% last four months.” Now this was a survey of Americans, but I doubt that the rest of us around the world are much different. Just search the internet and you will find many similar results globally.
I have never been into making resolutions, for most time being happy with who I am (even with my imperfections), but for the last few years, I have started focusing a bit more on certain aspects of life such as health, lifestyle etc. I was surprised to find how hard it was to change habits, despite knowing what was good for myself. For instance, I have really been trying to do more yoga, walk etc. for at least the last two years, and yes, I have made progress, but I am nowhere near doing it on a daily or even a regular basis.
At a recent work retreat, there was a session on goal setting and the one phrase that really struck me was ‘immunity to change’ – and yes it does seem quite true. While one part of you is really striving for that change, there is something deep underneath, that keeps pulling you back.
This year I really want to figure out how best to overcome this immunity to change and make some visible progress. So, while I have no answers that I can share here, what I will share are my struggles, my thoughts and ideas since almost all of us are trying to change something or the other within ourselves. I hope my meandering thoughts will resonate with you and perhaps give you some answers as well. In return, do tell me, how you are working on yourself.
But why is it so difficult to change?
Seriously! We know what is good and important for us – YET, we don’t do it. We yearn for that better us – healthier, fitter, younger looking, cleaner home, more financially secure, more confident, more assertive, more and better of everything. BUT, we don’t get there and do it. Even though it is not that difficult.
Why do I hit the snooze button every morning, when ideally, I should get up and do yoga? Why do I head home after dropping my kid to the bus stop, instead of continuing onwards for my morning walk? Why do I not have my medicines or put on that night cream? Why? Why? Why? Why the disconnect between knowing and yearning for the better and actually doing it?
To an extent, this lack of motivation and ambivalence has to do with the cost and benefits that our subconscious mind evaluates and usually the longer-term benefit is given up for the immediate term comfort. Yoga will give better health but cost me my morning sleep. And sure, I can start sleeping earlier but that will cost me the late-night work I prefer to do in peace. I can also give up carbs, but you see bread is my favourite comfort food and to my subconscious mind, the cost of giving up that comfort is more than the ‘probable’ weight loss in the future.
So, what does one do?
Habit changing is hard and the internet will throw up many resources. And here I am sharing some of my own thoughts and perspectives.
Sometimes, one is jolted into changing (for instance I started taking financial planning seriously, only after my son’s diagnosis), but in most cases, we are not going to get some sign from heaven. My take is that we will need to slowly work towards it till it becomes a habit, a part of ourselves.
So, start with a humble goal, something that you feel is achievable. For instance, right now, I am convincing myself to do half an hour of yoga every morning, go for a walk after lunch (I have a beautiful park next to office) and cut some carbs from my meals (portion control). THERE! I have written it and so am committed! (feel free to check on me and ask how I am doing!). Hopefully, over a few weeks, I would be able to convert these into regular habits. (But also keep in mind – relapse is a real thing.)
Below I am sharing a number of similar concepts that talk to the same idea.
Kaizen
Kaizen means ‘continuous improvement’ and is a Japanese concept we learnt at management school. I remember being fascinated by the idea even then. Even though it was meant for organizational change, I believe the concept can be applied equally for individual change. In fact, on searching the internet I found that an entire book has been written on the topic – so clearly, I wasn’t the only one to have that brilliant though! Kaizen is all about making small, incremental changes that become habits over time. By making these small steps a consistent part of your routine, it will become a habit that you don’t have to think about. So, the key is to start small and stay consistent.
Atomic Habits
In his book of the same name, James Lear talks about a very similar concept. To quote him, “meaningful change does not require radical change.” He suggests that we try to change for the better 1% every day. In mathematical terms, if you can get 1 percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done.
Immunity to Change
Another interesting theory on changing oneself is ‘immunity to change’ and is based on 30 years of adult developmental research by Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey. Simply put, this means that while someone may consciously want to change and even outwardly commit to it, they have an equally strong internal desire not to do so, of which they may even be completely unaware. There is an internal conflict between your desires and the change.
The article here, talks in great detail about how to better understand the internal barriers you have to the change and what you need to do to overcome them. It also shares a great worksheet that you can use.
I especially found this process effective for professional change, but not sure about its use for personal goals such as health etc. But do give it a try and let me know how it goes!
Finally, it HAS to come from within
The one key thing I have learnt, is that change can happen ONLY if it comes from within. No matter the peer pressure, or whatever well-wishers or people in authority or self-help books say, you will change or even make time for change only if it comes from within. When the commitment to self is from within. And this is something my blogging experience taught me. Everybody I know has asked me at one time or another, how I manage to write blogs despite a tough work schedule, managing kids and so on. Before I started blogging, I would have wondered the same. Where is the time? But once I did start and it became a passion, I wrote. Never mind it meant staying up late on weekends, giving up useless time-wasting activities – I found the time. The commitment within drove me to write. And I am hoping that we are all able to find that commitment/desire from within to change ourselves.
So good luck to all of us on our own journeys of change – whether it is fitness goals, mental health goals, relationship goals or professional goals etc. Do share your struggles, wins and tips with us in comments.
This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Bohemian Bibliophile.
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Regards, Sakshi aka tripleamommy
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I totally relate to your struggles with sticking to resolutions. It’s comforting and depressing at the same time to know others face the same challenges. I wish there was a sure shot easy way to achieve our goals. I guess starting small and finding inner motivation is the key.
I so agree. Only since June last year I have made it a point to go on for my walk after the school bus leaves. Otherwise I would just come home and relax of watch some tv. Yoga is on my list too. Let’s see if I can do something about it soon.
This is the reason why I don’t have resolutions. But I do have plans and I keep them rolling, bit by bit. Sometimes, they are a bit more than what I can chew, but most of the times, they work out. I have started small walks, regular walks, cut down on OTT, which is super addictive and phone browsing! I try and keep off WhatsApp for hours.
True. That’s my approach too.
I know this inertia is hard to overcome and when we have so much on our plates, it seems that having adequate sleep always wins over everything. I am a fan of Japanese Zen philosophies myself and Kazen helps to keep motivating yourself. I too have some fitness goals that I have been postponing, but your post reminds me to keep going even if one step at a time.
Truly said. It should start from within. Everything we want to do, that wish should come from within. Start small is the key. We could get easily overwhelmed by the number of tasks that we wanted to do. Breaking it into small makes it easy
I also don’t like to have resolution. Instead I try to do small things. Yoga which I started from last year say, October but on and off on an average. This year try to stick it on regular basis.
Like you, I’ve also found myself grappling with the struggle to implement positive changes in my life, despite knowing what’s best for me. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in this journey and that many of us face similar obstacles when it comes to personal growth and improvement.
Thank you for sharing your reflections and ideas so openly. Your willingness to delve into these topics and share your struggles is both inspiring and encouraging. I look forward to reading more about your journey and perhaps finding some answers and insights of my own along the way.
I completely understand the challenges you face in sticking to your resolutions. I believe that starting with small steps and discovering inner motivation is crucial. Personally, I’ve begun playing cricket, and I already feel more energized.
One thing I have realised that if you want to bring any positive change in your life you need to be consistent and ones you will witness the result you would like to continue forever.
I also do not believe in making new year resolutions. Today is a good day to start. If we decide tomorrow, next week, next month, we are just postponing it.
I liked the concept of Kaizen.
I do not believe in new year resolutions anymore.
I have stopped making the resolutions. I shifted to goals for the year and I think they wrok for me. Some of your tips will be helpful for me in goals too!
“I have never been into making resolutions, for most time being happy with who I am (even with my imperfections)”
You have a +1 from me on that Kaizen and atomic habits have helped me grow over the past few years. The immunity to change and coming from within comes with these two I guess. Haven’t really focused on that, but your piece has compelled me to keep these in mind as well.
Thank you for sharing these with us.
Resolutions are overrated. Its the habits that make a person. Very valuable tips.
Honestly, I’ve given up on New Year’s resolutions altogether. It’s all about small, gradual changes for me now. They might not seem like much at first, but they really add up over time!
That’s why I steer clear of resolutions. Instead, I make plans and slowly tackle them. Sometimes, I take on more than I can handle, but usually, things fall into place. I’ve begun taking long walks, making them a regular habit, and cutting down on excessive screen time, specifically binge-watching and phone scrolling. I also limit my time on social media and keep my phone on silent for many hours.
That’s so great! Kudos and I hope you keep at it.
While reading I was able to understand that this was me months back. I was procrastinating for years until one day I decided that’s enough. As you mentioned I started small, also set myself some realistic achievable targets, celebrating my small wins that kept me going
I am a big fan and follower of Kaizen. I haven’t made any resolutions. Just working to improve myself.
I believe in the saying ‘Resolutions are meant to be broken’. Your post brings out the advantages and improvemnts of sticking to our goals and definitely help us better ourselves and our productivity, not only professionally but also personally.
I love the idea of making a little improvement everyday, rather than massive changes, which from experience i know are not sustainable. rather doing 1 step every day is the way forward for me, and if it can be structured like an atomic habit, so much the better!
I am very bad in sticking to resolutions and hence I don’t make resolutions. but this year I have started working on myself and my selfcare a little more seriously may be because I get some time as my kids are now growing and will be a preteen in a couple of years. Can’t say anything though as the year has just started and I haven’t resumed my fitness journey yet. Hopefully shall get back soon with fitness routine and still keep my self care in continuation.
Every year, I make a goal list and try to achieve it. This year is not exceptional. I love to create goals and follow them; though I cannot achieve them 100%, I fulfil at least 70% of them. I guess if we stick to any plan , it will definitely improve our work-life balance. Great post.
It’s me right now …making plans n not following or completing it …then feeling guilty..will consider…ur points
Immunity to change…yes, I think that defines me. I will surely read up your linked article because I wish to understand it better. Thanks a lot for such a useful piece.
kaizen is powerful but as you said change could happen only if we believe and take the consistently to enforce change to a better life.
Yes Sakshi, I also believe in the fact that: ‘change can happen ONLY if it comes from within.’ No one knows it better than me I guess..😛
Your article was enlightening to me in some ways n in someways I thought I was listening to my husband cuz he is into business improvement n often talks about kaizen n has the book Atomic Habits on his bedside table. Of late he has been harping about it😀.
I too have stopped making fixed goals or resolutions but your tips certainly are easy to follow and actionable.