The Multitasking Woman – You call her Durga …. But is that what she wants…?
… Maybe not. Maybe she will thank you for the appreciation, but chances are that she would prefer you give her a hand, and help free some of hers.
Who is she? She is the ‘modern’ woman, aka multitasker, superwoman, supermom etc. etc. While all these tags appreciate her abilities, she needs more than that. Today’s woman has shown the ability to manage both her house and her work very well (even just managing the house requires multitasking). We have all been reading about how these superwomen are able to multitask – that’s great, but really is that the place the woman wants be in? Is it really that easy? I for one, come under a lot of pressure reading about this super efficient woman – it is almost as if we (the women) are born with this “multitasker program” which can get switched on as and when required. And that it is almost expected for us to juggle everything.
But what about the men? It seems they have begged off this ability to multitask and majority of the dual workload of home and office falls on women. There are articles about how women are better at multitasking than men, who are able to do better when focusing on one thing. Men seem to have been very conveniently let off the hook! Frankly I don’t care if they are good or not. They might as well try and I am sure they will get there! As we all know – practice makes a man perfect!
Men across the world seem to be afflicted by this ‘inability to multitask’, along with the social conditioning that housework is a woman’s job. It is so common in India, to see a woman come back from work and start cooking for everyone, while the husband is more likely to come home and relax. She will also be getting up early to probably cook lunch and breakfast for everyone and likely get the kids ready too. And I have even heard cases where, while the woman wants to hire house help, the in laws or husband would not want an outsider to do these chores! But this is not just in India. In the U.S. a woman laments that since her husband lost her job two years ago, she has been working double shifts to support the house. However, he insists that the baby be put in daycare (which is very expensive), refusing to take care of her at home. In a Central Asian household, a woman returns from work, only to find the house in a mess. When she asks her retired husband, why he couldn’t have cleaned the house, he retorts saying that it is her job. These examples could go on. And across the globe.
I know that more and more men are trying to come up to speed. Many men are taking part in child rearing and helping with chores around the house. But I am not sure if the number of those men is enough, neither am I sure that the amount of work they are putting in is enough. Many men that I know would say that they ‘help’ around the house. The key word is ‘help’. You ‘help’ when it is someone else’s work – implying that the man still believes that it is his wife’s job and he is being a good Samaritan by ‘helping’ her. Perhaps it is fine when the wife is stay and home and takes on primary responsibility of the house – however, when both are working, it is essential that men come out of the ‘helping mode’ and start taking ownership.
Let me dwell a little bit on the help vs ownership model. Think of a project team – there is a manager/ team lead and there are team members. It is the ‘responsibility’ of the manager to plan for the project, divide roles and responsibilities and get the team to execute the project. The team members are ‘supporting or helping’ the manager in that sense. The manager’s primary role is to coordinate and will be doing fewer or probably none of the tasks. What happens with women is that they end up becoming the manager as well as the prime executor with minimal or no outside support. Those of you who would have led a project would appreciate the difficulty of both managing and executing a project. The woman is taking both the mental and physical load of managing the household.
Mental load is best described by a French comic artist Emma. She has brilliantly illustrated this in the comic “You should have asked“. I recommend everyone reads it. When a man expects his partner to ask him to do things, he is viewing her as the manager of their household chores.
A little quiz below to see where you/ your husband figure in sharing the household work:
Who cooks? Who decides what is to be cooked? Who buys the groceries and vegetables and who makes the list? Who manages household help? Who gets heart attacks when the household help takes unannounced leave for 3 days?
Baby is crying. Who picks her up? Who cleans the baby and changes soiled diapers? Who makes sure there are enough diapers and wipes at home? Who washes the nappies? Who hangs them and folds them and ensures there is a supply of dry nappies at home at all times?
Who drops the kid to school/ bus stand? Who picks him up? Who makes sure the uniform is washed and ironed? Who checks his classwork and ensures that homework is done? Who helps with corrections? Who helps with class projects and crafts? Who remembers the date of submission of these class projects? Who is part of the parent WhatsApp group? Who writes diary notes to the teachers and who attends the parent teacher meeting especially if it is on a working day?
Who arranges play dates/ summer holiday classes? Who buys birthday presents for kid’s friends? Who picks out party clothes? Who buys clothes for kids?
Who makes sure that the medicine cabinet is well stocked? Who makes sure everyone is taking their daily medications? Who is managing the vaccination chart of babies? Who takes them to the doctor? Who knows what is to be given for cold vs cough vs fever? Who takes leave when the kids are sick?
Who cleans the refrigerator/ the washing machine/ the dish washer? Who knows when the soap/ shampoo/ toothpaste are finishing? Who gets the dry cleaning done?
If the answers show an unbalanced picture, better to do something now than later. Perhaps the best thing would be to sit down and divide not only chores but areas of responsibility. For example, “I take care of the kids’ homework and you make sure all extra curriculars are taken care of.” “I ensure that plants are watered and you make sure that the ceiling fans are regularly cleaned” etc etc. And then once the work is divided, DO NOT SUPERVISE what is not your responsibility. Women need to let go. Some couples have tried it and here are some examples and here as well.
It is not so difficult if we really put our minds to it. (I hope so!)
So dear men, please start being a part of your household. If you are a lounger, please start with being a helper and then slowly rise up the ranks (like you did in your organisation) to become a co manager. The end result will make you happier than your year end bonus does.
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Thanks so much for reading! Please comment, share and spread the word!
Regards, Sakshi aka tripleamommy
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Truely we need to deligate ourwork and bother less about the quality. Helping them with their responsibilities will be a pleasure but taking it all on self is surely a burden. So women should learn to let go certain things too, to stay happy. Men on the other hand have never been trained because our prwvious generation ladies hv been housewives so lets begin the change. In ourselves an others
Great post. Women need to let go. I love your use of corporate terms to convey the idea of running a household. There needs to be a mindset shift with both men and women for smooth running of a household.
[…] work and achievements of these women. In a world that still does not offer equal opportunity or a level playing field to women, recognition of those who have crossed many barriers to reach where they are today is […]
Maybe I am the rare case one, I am sure while reading most women would keep nodding or say yessss exactly. In my case before our marriage, my MIL taught my husband that for a peaceful married life and always work together. So, we divide our job though am having the role of homemaker now, he cooks thrice a week, does laundry, folds and does all baby works, without me asking. But not all of my friends and sisters are blessed like me.
The men in my family dont feel ashamed in sharing the househokd chores. 🙂 My grandfather cooks and my dad over the weekend helps in cleaning. I wish my future husband is like this too lol!
Absolutely! I get so tired of being told how women are great multitaskers. Not to take away from the fact that yes women are indeed great multi taskers but that doesnt mean that the rest don’t pitch in. We are now in a world where women are expected to work and manage home and kids and their lives. As great as it is to be commended for it, I think the need of the hour is a culture where everyone divides all duties. That just the woman.
Being a SAHM there are certain responsibilities that I cannot she’d off. However I’m happy that when my husband’s home he helps me around so I can take a break from my routine.
i wish every one understood how tough a woman’s work is. if men contributed as much they are active at their work; the household scenario will be so different in India.
Most of the people who read your blog would keep nodding their heads, saying YESSS!!! But in my house, luckily we both share our load together and trying to teach my son also the samething. Only if the partners take equal load, its going to be smooth sail for the family.
This post is bang on!
I personally thibk I’ve asked for the situation by not delegating and taking on every household task. I keep telling myself that i should let go and not expect things to be done the way i want it to rather than actually just getting the job done.
Sadly men in general are annoying at times. It’s how they are brought up and what they see at home that they repeat in their own lives. Some of us encourage it, and that should stop first.
Mental load is best described by a French comic artist Emma. She has brilliantly illustrated this in the comic “You should have asked“. I recommend everyone reads it. When a man expects his partner to ask him to do things, he is viewing her as the manager of their household chores.
A little quiz below to see where you/ your husband figure in sharing the household work:
Truely we need to deligate ourwork and bother less about the quality. Helping them with their responsibilities will be a pleasure but taking it all on self is surely a burden. So women should learn to let go certain things too, to stay happy. Men on the other hand have never been trained because our prwvious generation ladies hv been housewives so lets begin the change. In ourselves an others
Best part I share this with my husband and told him to follow it if he want happy life . U had raped a truth in chocolate syrup
I find myself nodding while reading))). So true!
You’re so right! Which is why the man i marry has to understand that we are PARTNERS. There will be NO gender roles in my future household.
Great post. Women need to let go. I love your use of corporate terms to convey the idea of running a household. There needs to be a mindset shift with both men and women for smooth running of a household.
I admire all of the mums out there! Being a mum is definitely a full time job
[…] work and achievements of these women. In a world that still does not offer equal opportunity or a level playing field to women, recognition of those who have crossed many barriers to reach where they are today is […]
I agree wholeheartedly to all that you said in your post. Go Girl Go.
Maybe I am the rare case one, I am sure while reading most women would keep nodding or say yessss exactly. In my case before our marriage, my MIL taught my husband that for a peaceful married life and always work together. So, we divide our job though am having the role of homemaker now, he cooks thrice a week, does laundry, folds and does all baby works, without me asking. But not all of my friends and sisters are blessed like me.
You are truly blessed!
The men in my family dont feel ashamed in sharing the househokd chores. 🙂 My grandfather cooks and my dad over the weekend helps in cleaning. I wish my future husband is like this too lol!
Blessed Pragnya! She has the helping hands.
Btw dear you nailed it. I agree with all the points which you raised you will decide the responsibilities?
That is a great post! Fortunately the balance is equal so far in my case. I hope it remains that way!
You just wrote my mind. Men just shrug off responsibility by saying “I Can’t”. If “we” can, why can’t they?
Well said! Like you said, I dont need labels I need help to get work done. Sharing it now.
This is really too, we end up burden ourself by taking all responsibility and fulfilling it, rather than we should share the load
Just love the way to depict the truth with a sugary coat. I can totally relate to this post. Thanks for sharing
Absolutely! I get so tired of being told how women are great multitaskers. Not to take away from the fact that yes women are indeed great multi taskers but that doesnt mean that the rest don’t pitch in. We are now in a world where women are expected to work and manage home and kids and their lives. As great as it is to be commended for it, I think the need of the hour is a culture where everyone divides all duties. That just the woman.
Being a SAHM there are certain responsibilities that I cannot she’d off. However I’m happy that when my husband’s home he helps me around so I can take a break from my routine.
Ahh you spoke my mind here buddy, I feel exactly the same. Beautiful read yet again
Multitasking is good but the man of the house has to lend some contribution surely
Nice post reflecting the truth that is a part of every household.
What a lovely write up…that’s truth of every women..but having a partner who understand us is really important
Every point discussed here is so true. I am glad things are changing tin a better way.
i wish every one understood how tough a woman’s work is. if men contributed as much they are active at their work; the household scenario will be so different in India.
Most of the people who read your blog would keep nodding their heads, saying YESSS!!! But in my house, luckily we both share our load together and trying to teach my son also the samething. Only if the partners take equal load, its going to be smooth sail for the family.
This post is bang on!
I personally thibk I’ve asked for the situation by not delegating and taking on every household task. I keep telling myself that i should let go and not expect things to be done the way i want it to rather than actually just getting the job done.
Sadly men in general are annoying at times. It’s how they are brought up and what they see at home that they repeat in their own lives. Some of us encourage it, and that should stop first.