You know sometimes one can get tired of being resilient. Tired of always being expected to handle whatever comes their way. And especially when, in the past, they always have. Even though resilience is a good thing. It is a thing to be proud of. It is what everyone admires in you.
“You are so strong.”
“You handle things so well.”
“I don’t know how you do it.”
And you smile and say thank you, because what else do you say?
But sometimes, being resilient is exhausting. Because resilience is often what we call the ability to keep going when there is no other choice. Not that you chose to be strong – you had to become strong because something needs to be dealt with.
You don’t necessarily learn how to cope because you are particularly wise or emotionally evolved. Sometimes you learn because life keeps handing you things that need coping with.
And after a while, you get very good at it.
You get good at putting one foot in front of the other. At solving the problem. At multitasking work – travel – home – children – spouse – parents – parents in law – siblings – siblings in law……. At reassuring someone else when you are not particularly reassured yourself. At supporting someone else’s dream while pushing your own for future. At restraining yourself, when all you want to do is scream. At choosing your words carefully because you know how much those words might hurt someone else. At swallowing the difficult conversation because you know there is already enough on the other person’s plate. At being the one everyone can lean on, even when you would quite like to lean on someone yourself. At becoming so used to being responsible that asking someone else to take over starts to feel almost unnatural.
People see the functioning part. They don’t always see the effort behind it. And perhaps that is the strange thing about resilience. The better you become at it, the less anyone notices that you are tired.
There comes a point when coping stops feeling like strength and starts feeling like fatigue. Not the kind of tiredness that a good night’s sleep fixes or a long weekend or even a long holiday.
The crisis ends. The problem gets solved. The next thing gets dealt with.
And you keep going. And one day you realise that you are not necessarily looking for strength anymore. You are looking for ease. A little less to think about. A little less to worry about. A little less responsibility.
Nothing profound.
Nothing inspirational.
Just ease.
This blog post is part of ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’
hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Tanvi Agarwal.
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