“But you are THE MOTHER”, said 8-year-old Abeer, this evening – with the righteous authority of a disciplinarian. He was suggesting that I take over all the work from Anvay’s nanny because she is a couple of years older than me. And because of course, I am THE MOTHER, I should have probably been doing it all in any case. Never mind, I have a full time job as well on the side. And he often reminds me that I am THE MOTHER whenever I guess he feels I am not doing the job well (e.g. getting him dressed in the morning, dropping him to the bus, cooking for him and so on and so forth)!
But after all, indeed, I AM his mother and know perfectly well how to get out of all these expectations – which by the way he and his brothers will thank me for one day!
So, what’s the JD of the MOTHER?
From what the world (and your kids) will have you believe – dear mother your job description includes everything from – “mother knows best”, to healthy nutritious meals to ensuring all hw is done and your child excels from studies to sports to everything in between, to arranging birthdays and being present at every school event to well basically everything including being responsible for your child’s future success.
But no. I rebel. No, I don’t always know the best – maybe it is someone else with more experience who may know better than me – so please don’t put me under pressure with those expectations. And no, I definitely have no inclination or interest in cooking – so yes, my poor children are definitely never going to remember, “maan ke haath ka khaana”, and yes, I monitor my kids studies, but I have my bandwidth limitations too and the part I really enjoy the most is arranging the birthday parties.
I love being the lazy mom….
I have a full-time job. I travel a lot. I’m passionate about what I do. And I’m a mother. Which means I’m often juggling — and dropping a few balls along the way. But that is absolutely okay.
So, I am happy to be the imperfect, lazy mother, who has no guilt telling her children to scoot when she wants her alone time.
So I don’t hover.
I don’t micromanage.
And I definitely don’t have a colour-coded calendar of activities.
And I delegate.
I am perfectly happy if the nanny takes over. Or if my kids are happy spending time with their grandmothers and even more so when they love their “nani-dadi ke haath ka khaana”. I am happy to go drop Abeer to the bus stop, the day I didn’t work late the night before, but otherwise I am perfectly fine if he goes with the nanny.
But doing less doesn’t mean caring less
I make sure I am always available to talk. I believe my elder one is comfortable enough to discuss anything – or at least most things with me. And now that Abeer is 8, we have also started having ‘mature’ conversations.
When I don’t hover, my kids are learning to manage themselves and take ownership of their mistakes. I leave the ipad out of reach, but in full view of Abeer – and he knows he has to show his discipline and not take it. When he slips and tries to cheat his way – he knows he doesn’t get the ipad for the next time. He is working to be responsible and trustworthy.
When Arnav does not do well in exams, we discuss what went wrong, but ultimately, he knows it is for him to figure out how to do better. His dad and I are just there to support. By now he knows that if he wants to go to a certain university, he is the one who will need to work hard for it.
And as for cooking – well I hope the boys start cooking for themselves as they get older – so that they can feed me as well. If nothing else, at least I can enjoy, beton ke haath ka khaana!
So, my version of lazy is really just letting go of the myth that a good mother must be everything, everywhere, all at once. Its okay to drop the ball sometimes.
This blog post is part of ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’
hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.
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Regards, Sakshi aka tripleamommy
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I couldn’t agree more that stepping back doesn’t mean you’re neglecting children, Instead, it’s really about empowering your kids. I appreciate that mindset shift!
The children are getting this mindset from what they have been hearing around.The patriarchal system where Mothers took care of all things within the home from making beds, food to even sewing. Times are changing we can afford help, we need help because we are not just homemakers anymore.
It hurts to be looked down because you do not cook or clean.
What we need is a change in narrative. Thankfully those who judge me (mostly in-laws) are also facing similar challenges so I do not have to strain my voice explaining why I cannot be a traditional homemaker.
Doing less doesn’t mean caring less. This is so true and important to highlight.
I absolutely loved this! It’s so refreshing to hear a real and honest take on motherhood. Letting go of perfection doesn’t mean letting go of love and your kids are lucky to grow up with that balance. Thanks for sharing this!
Absolutely loved this! “Lazy” is such a misused word…what you’re really doing is giving your kids the gift of independence and trust. Letting them figure things out, entertain themselves, or even gasp be bored is how resilience and creativity are born. Here’s to all the “lazy” mums who are raising resourceful, grounded humans.
Thanks for a candid lazy mom post. The super moms carry a halo around their head and I wonder if they don’t get weighed down by it. It is a challenge to be a working woman, mom and all the other roles you play. Hats off to you for this honest talk.
Sometimes it feels like being The Mother means doing it all perfectly, but honestly, giving ourselves permission to slow down and not sweat every little thing is such a gift, to us and our kids. Thanks for sharing this real, honest side of motherhood. It’s a relief to know I’m not alone in feeling this way.
Delegation is necessary in every field whether home, office, sports, etc. You are doing it well, do not let guilt take over your efforts
All Mom’s are awesome Mom’s and so are you. Motherhood is something you learn on the job, and your self reflection tells me that you are an A grade student.
This post resonates with me. Its ok to let some balls fall as long as you are happy and at peace in the end. A happy mother is what the children will remember.
Thank you for reframing ‘lazy’ as smart self-care ; it’s such a refreshing perspective! I love how you acknowledge that stepping back can actually empower your kids to grow independently.
People judge even hands-on moms for the smallest error their children commit. You juggling so many things is something your kids will surely remember one day and be proud of you for it. Lazy, no. I would say a normal mom.
Great to know that I am not the only lazy mom on this planet….and that every mother needs those lazy moments of self-care.
Yes, as mothers we can let something fall by he wayside. Much needed for our mental health
I absolutely love your take on this. I’d say that I’m getting them to be independent.
We are doing the best we can! I left my full time job and became self employed to take care of the kids and never had a nanny. But I am very much lazy and imperfect. We are trying our best!
Mothers are expected to be superwomen. Worse is when kids start expecting you to take care of everything. You did the right thing. They need to be answerable for their own decisions. Everything is not served on a platter.
I believe in becoming a mother like you… I am not a superwoman even thought the society wants to give that tag to moms…. I dont want it… I know what and how I am doing for my child and what best can be for him… I too have my job to do, many people to guide to get back in a position to take control of their life. So Slowly and stedily I am guiding my boy to be independent… he cares for me and his dad and that what I call is achievement as a mom for me…. You are right with time he too also need to understhand that he will be the one to do hardwork achieve his dreams and goals
It’s so refreshing to see someone embrace imperfection and focus on what truly matters. Thanks for sharing your honest perspective
I think that’s the best way to be a mom. I can’t imagine being a perfect mom with the traits you mentioned. God, that’d be exhausting!
Saying it louder for the moms in the back—doing less isn’t laziness, it’s legacy. You’re raising independent kids by not doing it all. That’s powerful, and honestly, praise-worthy.
As a fellow mom, I’ve learned that slowing down isn’t laziness—it’s presence. Choosing rest over rushing has helped me connect more deeply with my kids. Sometimes, “lazy” is exactly what they need most.
Hear hear! I fall in the same category!