Arnav, it was June 2009, when I discovered your existence – a tiny, 0.5 mm life implanted in me. So tiny that the ultrasound technician first told me I was not pregnant – but I insisted, and I was correct! My first thought was to protect this little living speck with all I had. Ensure it got the right nutrition and best care and whatever it needed, to be born well and healthy 9 months down the line. I changed the branch I worked at to avoid the bumpy Bombay roads and treacherous auto rides. I ate healthy, pigged out on cheese sandwiches (guess why you love them so much!), worked from home the last couple of months, all to protect you and keep you safe.
And then you arrived. This tiny, pink, helpless being, completely dependent on me for its survival. Breastfeeding you was a profound experience – nourishing you, from my own flesh and blood. That bond, those eyes gazing into mine with absolute trust and satisfaction, tied us together in space and time in a way nothing else ever could.
You were so small. So small that I was afraid of crushing you as you slept next to me. I was terrified of touching the soft spot on your head – scared my fingers would poke through the delicate skin! I was scared of bathing you alone, afraid you may slip out of my soapy hands, and both Kapil and I bathed you together for the first couple of months. Leaving you alone, was out of question, fearful as I was of you hurting yourself.
And as you grew, my instinct to protect you only strengthened. I wanted to shield you from every injury, every bad experience, every unkind word on the playground or disappointment at school. For I could not see you hurt, in any way. You fell, I cried. You got an injection, and I could not bear to watch. You fell sick and my gut wrenched. You felt left out, and it took all my strength to not go and demand you were included. Your pain was magnified in my heart, perhaps much more than you actually felt physically.
But I can’t hold on to you forever. Life is not always kind. There will be days when the world feels heavy, when friends disappoint you, when you question your worth. There will be moments of failure, of loss, of self-doubt. But I know I have to let go. As much as I may want, I cannot lay out the path you will take, and neither will I be able to hold your hand through every turn of life.
I cannot protect you from every physical and emotional pain that life will inevitably bring. I can’t hug away your problems. I know I cannot shelter you from your failures, frustrations, heart breaks, betrayals, disappointments, challenges and struggles that are bound to cross your path. Much as I hate that, I cannot wish them away from your life, for I know these experiences will shape you, make you stronger, and help you find your way. I know that these struggles are part of life, part of the journey that will shape you into the person you are meant to be.
But I do hope, that like those fairies in fairy tales, I can swish my magic wand and teach you to protect yourself, to not erase the hardships but to grant you strength, resilience, and wisdom. To be strong enough to tackle all the curve balls that life will throw your way.
On your 15th birthday, I hope that you learn to fight your own battles, to carry your own burdens. And as much as I would want to intervene, to make everything easier for you, I know that strength is built through struggle, that resilience is born in the moments when you face life head-on.
But remember this—I will always be here. I promise to always be your home, no matter how far you go. I will always be there, with a hug and a hot cup of chocolate milk (or tea or coffee). I promise to listen, even when you don’t have the words to explain. I promise to believe in you, even when you doubt yourself. I promise to stand by you, even when the world feels unsteady. I promise that no matter how much you grow, no matter how old you get, you will always be my child, my baby.
I hope that every time you need a soundboard, or someone to listen, or someone to bolster your confidence or remind you of how special you are or someone to mend your heart, you know that you can come to me. To us, your parents, your papa and mumma.
My love will always be your shield, my arms your sanctuary. You may outgrow my protection, but you will never outgrow my love. And though I cannot protect you forever, I will love you for all eternity.
So go, my love. Chase your dreams. Face the world with courage. Live boldly, love fiercely, and never be afraid to stumble.
Happy 15th birthday, my baby!!
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This blog post is part of ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’
hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.
This post was created for the Blogaberry Creative February Challenge with theme word Hug
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Thanks for reading this post. Please like, comment and share!
Regards, Sakshi aka tripleamommy
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Today morning as I closed my door in my room to Work From Home while my 1 year old was calling me from my mother’s arms, banging my door for a but.. I was thinking just this.. now I can’t spare more time with him.. and in future.. he wouldn’t be interested to spare more time with me.. this was my exact thought.. and this is life.. whatever time we can give each other we can only make the most of it….
Your post was so heartfelt. I can imagine Going through the same emotions 14yrs later..
Such a beautiful post, Sakshi! As a mother of a 16yo son I echo most of your thoughts. Many things that you mentioned here have been discussed between us. We can’t protect them forever, and shouldn’t. However, it’s important that they know that they have our hand to hold and our shoulder to support whenever they need.
Your words captured that raw emotion of parenthood so beautifully. Truly a touching reminder of how precious and fragile kids are.
Such a heartfelt post. Every word feels straight from the heart and i am sure, deeply resonates with all mothers. It’s so true that while we can’t always protect them, our love and support will always be there forever. This made me so sentimental. I was actually re-reading and cherishing each line. Wishing your lovely boy a very happy 15th birthday!”
I too have an Arnav in my life but we spell it Arnab (Bong Pronounciation)…. Hold on… he is not my baby but someone elses baby and father of my Baby 🙂 Well dear your emotions are truly heart touching and I can feel it well as am a mommy too of a young kid. I wish your Arnav a very happy Birthday… Trust me you already gave him that confidence and boldness in life … he will win every exam or challenges of life with flying colors.
This is so heartfelt and beautifully written! The love, the fears, and the letting go, it all resonates so deeply. Arnav is lucky to have a mom who loves him so fiercely. Wishing him a very happy 15th!
Such a sweet and emotional letter. Happy 15th to Arnav. I’m sure he’s super proud to have a mother like you and looks up to for guidance and inspiration. And pretty sure he’ll keep falling back on you even when he’s a capable, independent man who can take care of his own problems and troubles. This letter will be a reminder to him during those times 🙂
I think you have very beautifully articulated the thoughts of millions of mothers. I teared up, especially the part where you wish (as do I) to protect your child always! Wonderful write-up. Made my day!
I haven’t read anything cute and full of love like this one is! My wishes for him too!
You’ve expressed the thoughts of so many mothers so beautifully. Happy 15th to Arnav. I’m sure he feels proud to have a mother like you, who he looks up to for guidance and inspiration.
15 th birthday! Wow! A very happy birthday to your champ! As much as I would love to protect my girls forever, I have to set them free at one point. Beautiful post.
Happy 15th to Arnav. Sakshi , your post touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes.As a mother i could feel your enduring love and need to protect your child deeply. But it is this letting go and accepting that we cannot always be there for them is that truly marks a strong mother , a mother who makes them battle ready for the world with or without her.
This letter beautifully captures the tender and poignant emotions of parenthood. The love, fears, and sacrifices of a mother for her child resonate deeply.
Happy birthday to Arnav. Wishing him all the best in his life. All moms won’t to be protective about their child but I think that once they grow up, they should learn from their mistakes, and we moms should be there to support them though thick or thin.
Very heartfelt, Sakshi. I think every mother of a teenager can resonate with this and will have the same words of love and consolation for their child. The world is a bad place, but a mother will always be a safe space for their child, no matter how old they get.
This hit home, you know. Being a new mom those first few sentences were spot on for me and u welled up as I read through your letter. You are such a sweet mom! Kudos!
A heart-felt letter indeed . Yes mothers have no answer though they wish they have !
What a lovely birthday wish Sakshi. This was so from your heart and something that all parents would resonate with
Excellent no one can take away the problems children have in the world. The best way to think is that it going to shape them so they have a better life
Lots of wishes for your son , Arnav. I loved reading a mother’s emotions, possessiveness, feelings, and a pure love fher kid. God bless you and your family.
I am also a mother of Arnav and he is also 16 years old. 🙂
I admire your emotions and how you expressed your concerns. Yes, as a mother , you cant hug your child each time or protect him from every wrong but can sow a seed of trust and love that protects him from every wrong.
They grow so fast… You have beautifully expressed the complicated emotions of a parent.