This is a guest post by Nirmala Pillai, an ex-Civil service officer . Now a full time writer and painter . She has published three books of poems one collection of short stories and her latest is a novel called Secrets of Mango Rain. Lately the book received the Yathakatha international film and Literature festival best debut fiction ( female) Award.
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Eyes are not only the windows to our soul but the most precious gift from god. This is a narrative from my personal experience many decades ago. After coming from school, I would complain that, “The school blackboard is blurred and I cannot see far away things or read clearly”. But my friends wore glasses and they thought I was making it up, so that I too could wear glasses. However, they would also ask me why I came home with incomplete notes in the book. Later, my parents regretted not paying heed to my words for the rest of their lives.
My parent’s words created a constant struggle inside me . I thought I spoke the truth and why wouldn’t they listen or understand. To keep up my ranking and answer questions it was disturbing and painful . It made me sad and moody.
In my generation almost fifty years ago there were no annual dental and eye check up for kids. Parents took the kids to the family doctor for all the medical advice. Since I did fairly well in school they did not consider I had an eye problem. When parents and grandparents did not need glasses how could a seven year old wear them!
My rank in class hovered around sixth or seventh. Only when I complained of headaches I was taken to the Eye Doctor / Ophthalmologist . I was already twelve years old by then. My parents were shocked and dismayed when the ophthalmologist prescribed very high numbered glasses. He told them that if they had come much earlier, he could have helped me.
My parents who were hands on parents, loved and took advance care of each of our needs life long, felt guilty and regretted not paying more attention. My mother narrated the story to all with tears in her eyes . They felt they failed me some how by not paying heed to me. It was also a sore point, as in that generation girls wearing glasses was not good for the marriage market. They were looked at as disabled. I remember I was teased in school as Double Battery because of my thick glasses.
Now science and Technology has solved many problems with laser and disposable lens!
But it can still happen. Sometimes kids complain of stomach ache or leg pain when they dislike something or don’t want to go to school etc . They don’t know how to express themselves and know they can get their parents attention by the word pain; this may be the way to make parents heed and listen.
Hence when they describe about strange, unfamiliar experiences or use new words and actions in their narrative , keep your eyes and ears open. Listen to them; heed them and gently find out the reason for that form of talk or strange ways of expression.
This is a small example . Times have changed and in this age of digital revolution and internet generation kids are smarter, bolder and practical. Still the need for caution and care, knowing about the world they inhabit and the eco system they exist in becomes absolutely essential. The friends they mix with, their dreams their aspirations, their dislikes and likes , so that you are a friend and always around for them to help along the way.
This post is a part of “International Day of Persons with Disability” blog hop hosted by Sakshi Varma – Tripleamommy. #IDPD2024Bloghop. Access all posts of this bloghop at https://tripleamommy.com/2024/12/02/beyond-barriers-amplifying-voices-for-inclusion-marking-idpd-2024/
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Its very important to pay heed to what children want to convey. Even their tantrums sometimes can be because of some pain or issues they are going through.
[…] Nirmala shares her childhood experience of struggling with undiagnosed vision problems, as her complaints were dismissed by her parents. She emphasizes the importance of listening to children and addressing their concerns promptly. In today’s fast-paced world, she urges parents to stay attentive and engaged in their children’s lives to support their growth and well-being. Read her post here. […]
Your post brings out another pertinent point about social biases and expectations to have perfect looks specially for girls. Eye glasses, weight gain, limb braces or accessories are all shoved under the carpet blaming them on habits, attitude or excuses and not addressed at the right age.
It’s so important to hear what your body is trying to communicate. Early diagnosis can help with putting preventive and pro-active measures in place to make sure the child gets the best care and help they need.
Very valid point – “Hence when they describe about strange, unfamiliar experiences or use new words and actions in their narrative , keep your eyes and ears open.”
Thanks for sharing
Sachin Jakhotia
https://shlokabiity.blogspot.com/
I feel sad reading this though I understand your parents didn’t mean harm at all. Sometimes life holds such pangs for us. That’s destiny.
But I’m glad you overcame all that and became what you are. That’s the lesson I take from this.
I hear you. Even my son used to watch TV from very close, but when I used to tell my husband that we need to get it checked, he was in denial mode. Finally we checked the eye doctor to discover he has Lazy eyes. Of course, we didn’t delay it for too long. But even to this day, parents are constantly in denial mode not understanding that if a problem is identified at a young age, it’s comparatively easier to solve.
This heartwarming post highlights the importance of listening to children and take their concerns seriously. It serves as a reminder for parents to strike a balance between care and awareness. Especially understanding your child’s experiences and expressions. Empathy can prevent heartbreak and foster deeper relationships, helping children feel valued and capable.
I am understanding this now. Though I am not a parent, I still feel when a child says something, the adult need not brush it aside, but take it seriously. The stigma of sickness is so strong in our lives that it creates mental havoc. Our idea of perfection is scary.
As a child I often felt unheard and shushed.As a parent I try to rectify that but it is not easy. I think our values and fears come in the way of giving wings to our children and that is why we try to brush them aside , not really meaning any harm but causing harm unintentionally.
Such an honest story! You have very honestly shared your feelings as a child and of your parents too. Kudos!
I cannot articulate my feeling on reading this piece, Nirmala. Words are failing me. But it felt like someone was penning down my story. I had a very similar experience growing up, and my parents didn’t pay heed because at the same time, they were preoccupied with my mother’s chronic illness which took a turn for the worst. Students and cousins were mean to me, and I still reel under that stigma at times. I hear you. I hear all the points raised by you.
Narratives of neglect still bruise me, this one is quite heart-wrenching. I hope your story helps millions avoid delay and procrastination in urgent matters.
Inciteful…Understanding the child is as important as understanding one’s surroundings
This blog is a heartfelt reminder of the importance of truly listening to children and being attuned to their needs, even when their complaints seem trivial. Your narrative poignantly highlights how small oversights, like dismissing a child’s concerns, can lead to significant consequences. The personal story adds depth and relatability, drawing readers into your experience.
Your call to action for parents to remain vigilant, especially in today’s fast-paced, digitally-driven world, is both timely and essential. The balance you suggest—being a friend and a guide—resonates deeply as a practical and compassionate approach to parenting. Thank you for sharing such a valuable lesson that encourages empathy and attentiveness in every parent.
What can I say about your writing! You know how much I had loved The Mango Rains. This blog is an extension of your empathetic nature.
Listening to the child is very important instead of ignoring what they are saying just because they are a child and we as adults might think he doesn’t know what they are talking about. Listening is such an important skill when we talk of children, even children who are non-verbal say so much without saying anything
Parents should make it a point to listen and address the concerns or help understand what the children undergoes.
Thank you for sharing your story. In any relationship, it’s essential to listen to and understand the other person’s perspective. This becomes even more crucial in a parent-child relationship, as it significantly influences the child’s future.
As a parent, it’s easy to overlook small complaints, but they could hold deeper meanings. I resonate deeply with the message of being attentive and understanding, especially in today’s fast-paced world.
A truly valuable point thank you for marking it in your article whixh is very much needed in the current day scenario