Today we have a guest post from Shabana Parween, a development professional with expertise in CSR, public policy, and skill development. She has worked extensively with NGOs, government bodies, and corporates to drive impactful initiatives. Passionate about inclusiveness, she actively advocates for autism awareness and support parents of children with special needs. Through her entrepreneurial venture in educational toys, she strives to integrate learning and play for the holistic development of young children.
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Smita shared an incident that left her questioning the inclusivity of our society. She moved to Gurugram after her marriage with her husband, and together they have a 5-year-old boy named Sanchay. Life took a turn when, at the age of 2, Sanchay was diagnosed with red flags of autism. It was a moment of acceptance and frustration for Smita and her family, knowing their journey would now include continuous therapies and special care to help their son lead a comfortable and fulfilling life.
Therapies in Gurugram came with a hefty price tag of ₹800 per session. To manage these financial expenses, Smita’s husband took up a job in Qatar while she stayed back with Sanchay to ensure he got the care and exposure he needed. Doctors had advised her to take him to parks, malls, and other public places to help him understand social environments and learn in natural settings. While the task was challenging due to his behavioural and hyperactivity issues, Smita embraced it as a way to help her son grow.
Smita often took Sanchay to restaurants to teach him about dining places, different types of dishes etc. She also takes her to friends’ homes to help him understand the concept of guests, and to shops and malls to get him acquainted with crowds and noise. One such outing to a mall turned out to be more than what she had bargained for.
In a toy shop, Sanchay found a red car and began playing with it. A while later, he went to the washroom with Smita, but on returning, he couldn’t find the car. Restlessly, he wandered the shop in search of it and eventually saw another child holding the toy. Driven by impulse, he hurriedly tried to take the car back, causing the child to fall. As the younger boy began crying, his father and Smita rushed to comfort him. But soon, the child’s mother arrived and, upon hearing what had happened, directed her anger toward Sanchay.
“What’s wrong with you? Don’t you have any manners?” the woman scolded Sanchay. Smita, trying to calm the situation, apologized repeatedly and asked Sanchay to say sorry as well. But the lady’s anger only escalated, her tone becoming harsher. Sensing her frustration, Sanchay, who was perceptive of expressions, reacted by kicking her (he moved his leg towards her). He had developed this behaviour of kicking recently when he felt frustrated or angry in a situation.
The lady grew even angrier. “How can he behave like this?” she said, her frustration spilling over. Smita, finally said, “He is a special child. You should control your anger and ego. You are dealing with a 5-year-old who doesn’t know how to express himself properly. As a mother, you should understand the position of another mother. A slight push from a small boy shouldn’t make you this upset. I am apologising for his behaviour and you should understand the condition of the little boy.”
A few people gathered there to watch what is happening. One of the person from the crowd remarked you should not bring the mentally ill child to public places.
Smita felt helpless and heartbroken that day. She couldn’t understand how society could be so quick to judge. “How can we expect an inclusive society when even small moments like these become battles? How will special children and their parents find their place in such a world? When will people understand the autistic children are not mentally ill. They should live and enjoy the world just like others.” she wondered. (Identity has been changed in this story to maintain privacy)
This incident is not just a story about one mother and her child or only one incidence. It’s a reminder to all of us to pause before reacting, especially in public spaces. Parents of children with autism or other special needs face battles we may not see. Their days are filled with therapies, education, and constant efforts to prepare their children for a world that often fails to understand them. A moment of thoughtfulness or patience from us can go a long way.
If a neurotypical kid understands a lesson in 5 times, the neurodiverse kid might take more than 10 times. Every teaching, every learnings for the parents and educators is a struggle, they search for innovative ways to teach or and make learning easier.
As a society, we must work toward inclusivity—not just in policies or infrastructure but in everyday interactions. Empathy, kindness, and understanding should guide our actions. Let’s build a world where every child, special or not, feels welcomed and valued, and every parent feels supported and heard. An inclusive society what the neurodiverse kids and parents need. I can say its not their need, an inclusive society is a right for neurodiverse kids and their families.
This post is a part of “International Day of Persons with Disability” blog hop hosted by Sakshi Varma – Tripleamommy. #IDPD2024Bloghop. Access all posts of this bloghop at https://tripleamommy.com/2024/12/02/beyond-barriers-amplifying-voices-for-inclusion-marking-idpd-2024/
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Regards, Sakshi aka tripleamommy
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Honest and direct the truth of this article hits home in every word . Drops go to make an ocean . If each person just acted on the compassion level and believed that at the other end there is another human who has feelings difficulties like you then every act or response will be tempered with “ think before you act. “ and kindness.
This month long writing blog is good and is a step forward. The awareness creation is a prime step in this way .
Opening up in whatever way we can bringing all the experiences about sensitivity in homes and public places for differently able persons starts even by name . eg -do not say mental illness but mental wellness.
This is an eye-opening post of our society’s lack of empathy and unawareness. We are often quick to judge, and react impulsively.
This heartfelt story is a powerful reminder of the importance of empathy and understanding. Smita’s strength and resilience highlight what parents of neurodiverse children face daily. Let’s strive to create a more inclusive and compassionate society for all children and their families.
Smita’s experience is a stark reminder that money doesn’t bring awareness and empathy. Have seen similar apathy for other forms of disability as well. I wasn’t surprised at the statement from by-standers that you shouldn’t bring a child like this to public places. It’s not only for children with special needs, but anyone with any disability that needs some accomodation is unwelcome. As it means we have to do a bit extra either in action or emotion and as a society we are not willing. In a society where people scream, shout and abuse even when one overtakes them, being accomodative for special needs is still a far fetched dream.
Being sensitive is the key. Small issues should not be escalated, particularly if one of the kids is a special child. Parents have to understand and pass this on to their children. This is something many mothers with specially abled children might be facing each day. You brought up a very valid point, Shabana.
[…] Shabana shares Smita’s story, a mother navigating life with her autistic son, Sanchay. A mall incident highlights the lack of societal empathy, sparking a call for inclusivity, understanding, and kindness toward neurodiverse children and their families. Read her post here. […]
There’s a tremendous need for greater awareness on how people should deal with children with disabilities.
It is really sad how a small misunderstanding among kids can turn into a battle among parents. As so rightly pointed out, it does become about ego and we’re so quick to judge. It’s sad that the parent raising her voice was not shamed but the parent simply trying to teach their child something was. I hope Shabana and her son find more inclusive places and people in their journey.
Your post makes me want to release training manuals for neuro-typical people in public spaces. Thank you for sharing this story, it reminded me of similar stories where the public is quick to judge and decree exclusion in folklore. Its given me an idea for writing fiction…am so glad I read this today!
If only the world was a little kinder! But then, we have to see the world has its own process, overcrowded as it is with 8 billion people running it dry. We aren’t in the best of time nor in the worst of times. We just need to control our impulses to make it a better world. I think caregivers get the brunt real time.
Since my sister’s son was discovered to have slight autism, our family have been more mindful with not only on our actions towards him but had a better understanding of how other people with son/daughters/family members who have the same situation. It isn’t easy and showing kindness to them is the only way we could help in our simple ways.
Your post truly touched my heart. The way you highlighted the challenges faced by parents of children with autism in public spaces was so powerful. Smita’s experience is a harsh reminder of how society often lacks understanding and empathy. I deeply resonate with your call for inclusivity and kindness, as every child, regardless of their abilities, deserves a world where they are accepted and valued. Your message is important, and I hope more people will read it and reflect.
True, often people react to situations from a place of limited knowledge and preconceived notions. In my work towards disability inclusion, I often urge people to “ask and not assume”. Most people come from a place of ignorance and hence their behaviour translates into a lack of empathy, sometimes even bordering on apathy.
While we speak of inclusivity, we also should know that it would take effort for the public to be on our side. Fighting hard is one solution and hoping for the best result. Life is not Fair.
It’s heartbreaking to see how quickly society jumps to judgment, especially in situations where understanding and patience are needed the most. I hope more people take the time to reflect on their actions and remember that every child, whether neurodiverse or not, deserves respect, patience, and the chance to thrive.
You’ve so well covered the lack of knowledge among people. I feel along with knowledge it also talks about the having empathy as a basic human skill to treat people. Most people judge very quickly.
It’s really annoying to see people tag others, speak offensive without an iota of knowledge about their situation. May your work and writing enlighten such individuals.
I really can’t imagine the pain she must have went through that day. We as public should understand parents are having a hard time and we should keep them comfortable when we see them in public places understanding their situation
Thank you for sharing Smita’s heartfelt journey, Shabana. Her story is a poignant reminder of the challenges faced by parents of neurodiverse children and the crucial role society plays in fostering inclusivity. Empathy and understanding can transform public spaces into welcoming environments for all. Let’s commit to building a world where every child and parent feels seen, supported, and respected—because inclusivity isn’t just a need, it’s a right.
Its soo sad to witness the non acceptance happening towards disability community..thank you for communicating these personal experiences through very well explained article
Smithas journey strikes us up through this positive post about building a world for every special need child and parent.thank you for this writeup
This article really highlights the struggles and resilience of parents trying to navigate a world that more often than not fails to understand neurodiverse children. Thanks for sharing