Are you uncomfortable expressing your vulnerability? Most likely your answer is yes. Most people closely guard their vulnerability, preferring to appear strong and brave. We have also grown up in a world where being stoic is celebrated and any vulnerability considered a weakness. Heck, the concept is even gendered, where women are considered weaker, because they are more likely to be open about their emotions, while men are supposed to handle everything calmly and with stoicism. Phrases such as “Don’t cry like a girl” or “Man it up” come from the same thinking.
And there is much wrong with that. Every human being needs to be comfortable with their own emotions, be able to acknowledge them and even share them. And it is not a tradeoff, between being stoic or opening up with your vulnerability. They are both sides of the same coin – our personality. And we need to be able to balance both. Vulnerability is our strength!
Embrace Your Vulnerability. It Is Your Strength – Not Weakness
I also grew up learning to be ‘brave’, to hide emotions. Always preferring the brain over the heart. I could not (and cannot even today) cry in front of anyone. Be it my grandfather’s death 30 years ago or my own dad’s 6 years ago – I did not shed a tear publicly. I abhor getting sympathy from anyone. But I have been changing.
Six years ago, when I decided to start my own blog, I had no inkling where this was going to lead. My objective was simply to reach out to the world and share our special needs journey – to give courage to those on a similar path as us and to create awareness and empathy in those unfamiliar with this aspect of life. I did not know then that this blog would become my connect to the world – a platform to share some of my deepest feelings. I did not expect my heart to be dictating my words. And I definitely did not anticipate that this experience would not only be cathartic for me but help others heal as well.
What really happened? Without planning to, I had embraced my vulnerability and shared it like an open book. No, it did not make me weak in anyone’s eyes. If at all, I received feedback from people who admired that I was able to share so freely. It gave them strength too. Many felt that they were not alone in the world with their problems. A reader thanked me for ‘voicing the thoughts of millions’ through my blog. Another reader, father of a special needs child, found my post online, and reached out. It comforted him to find someone else who could share his grief, who could understand what they were going through.
And I am so glad that I decided to open up.
But it is not easy to do that
Yes, I totally understand. While people admire others who can share their vulnerability, sharing their own is oftentimes difficult. Oftentimes, we are not willing to acknowledge our emotions ourselves, let alone sharing them with others. And even if we acknowledge them, we feel that it is a weakness to show it to others. Because that is what society taught us.
Societal and cultural norms and expectations (especially, around gender roles), pressurize individuals to appear resilient and composed. As a society, we cringe at the outwardly show of emotions. How many times have we heard or even told people going through grief to pull it all together, to stay calm and composed and that eventually everything will blow over. Next time, just let people release their emotions. Do not stop them.
The fear of being judged, criticized or misunderstood is another thing that keeps most of us silent. A lack of trust pushes us to keep our emotions private. This is why, an environment of trust, empathy, and open communication is important to encourage people to share, to open up.
Vulnerability is what makes us human. It is what makes us real.
If you are human, then you have the ability to feel all emotions – happiness, sadness, joy, grief, pride, shame and so on. But we have been conditioned to show the world only the positive emotions and experiences. We are happy to announce our successes on social media but hide our failures and struggles. Our reflex response to the question, “How are you”, is “I am good”.
And oftentimes, we hold our fears, stress and unhappiness so close to ourselves, we refuse to even acknowledge them. We have been talking so much about ‘being positive’ or ‘thinking positive’ that we keep brushing our negative emotions under the carpet.
I don’t disagree with having a positive thought process, but it starts with acknowledging the negative, processing it within and then looking at the positive side. Just telling ourselves that things will get better will be of no help until you have either lived through the negative emotion or acknowledged it.
Showing vulnerability can be cathartic
So often I have found my writing to be healing for my own self. Last year, I was going through a tough time, when I decided to just pour it out in a blog. As my words dispersed through the universe, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt light footed, lighthearted, light everything. My situation had not changed, the same problems continued to exist, but my mind had settled. Similarly, talking to someone, confiding in someone can have the same effect.
Sharing vulnerability helps one release pent up emotions and allows one to acknowledge and accept their imperfections, mistakes, struggles and challenges. This is a crucial step towards self acceptance and healing.
Remember, when dark clouds gather, it needs to rain for sunshine to come through.
Vulnerability generates empathy
I have noticed that of all my posts, the ones that get the most views or comments are those where I have shared either my pain or someone else’s. It’s not that people like to read of others’ pain, but that it reminds us of our own vulnerabilities. Pain connects humans and reminds us that anything can happen around the corner. The ability to be vulnerable, to share emotions can actually help establish genuine connections and generate empathy and understanding in relationships.
When you see someone else’s vulnerability, you are able to accept your own.
Vulnerability is inspiring
Vulnerability is inspiring because it takes courage to share one’s truth, to open up to potential judgement. Vulnerability is the courage to be yourself – with all your flaws, imperfections and mistakes. It encourages others to also embrace their true selves and live authentically.
Reading about other people’s challenges and resilience also inspires others to face their own difficulties and remember that obstacles can be overcome. It reminds them that they are not alone in their struggles.
Most importantly sharing one’s vulnerability normalizes imperfection and helps others embrace their flaws and start their journey of self love.
But balance is important
As I said at the beginning – vulnerability and stoicism are two sides of our personality, and we need to be able to maintain a healthy balance between the two. It takes self-awareness and emotional intelligence to know when to maintain composure and when to express vulnerability.
It is important to interpret stoicism as resilience and not self-repression. Unfortunately, the latter is connected more to being stoic. And similarly it is important to understand that being vulnerable is not being weak or abandoning strength and resilience. In fact it is entirely the opposite.
Finally, be mindful of who you are expressing your vulnerability to and the situation in which you are doing that.
Ability to express vulnerability is an important quality to have and can help in meaningful relationships as well as in developing strong leadership skills. Keep a look out for my next blog to read more on that.
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This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Bohemian Bibliophile.
Thanks for reading this post. Please like, comment and share!
Regards, Sakshi aka tripleamommy
You can find me at:
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Sakshi, all the points you have listed are valid in favor of expressing Vulnerability. I agree with all of it – it inspires others to come forward and share their pain, together people can find more solutions and it can release pent-up negative emotions making us feel more in control and balanced. I also appreciate the word of caution about how to be vulnerable and when to allow yourself to be vulnerable because it is this very fear of being judged or used by others that do not let us share our weaknesses.
Expressing vulnerability is indeed crucial for fostering deep and meaningful connections in relationships and for developing effective leadership skills. When individuals allow themselves to be vulnerable, they open up avenues for authentic communication, empathy, and understanding.
In personal relationships, being able to express vulnerability allows partners to connect on a deeper level by sharing their fears, insecurities, and emotions openly. This fosters trust and intimacy, as it demonstrates a willingness to be authentic and genuine with one another. It encourages empathy and support, as both individuals feel more comfortable expressing their true selves without fear of judgment or rejection.
Overall, the ability to express vulnerability is a valuable quality that enhances both personal relationships and leadership effectiveness by promoting authenticity, trust, and connection.
‘When dark clouds gather, it needs to rain for sunshine to come through’… Damn! I absolutely love these lines Sakshi!… so so true.
I can relate to this post a lot as I always put a brave front… I still do! But over the years, I have learnt to open up more and let people inside more. And it doesn’t make me feel weak, although later, I do think if they are judging me. But frankly, I don’t care.
Anyway, thanks for this great reminder Sakshi…
Thanks Kaveri… Glad this resonated with you
This strikes a deeper chord in me. It was tough for me but I learnt to embrace it.
I guess we all do connect with your post. All would be so vulnerable at one point or the other. But I guess balance is the key as you mentioned. I has a constant yes yes in my brain when I was reading your post.
Wow Sakshi, this post really hit home for me. It’s like you’re telling my story, even though it’s only been three years since I started blogging. I totally relate to the struggle of balancing vulnerability and stoicism in a world that often sees them as opposites. Your journey with your blog and how it’s become a way to share your deepest feelings is inspiring. I couldn’t agree more that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Thanks for sharing your insights and I can’t wait to read more from you.
We all have people we can be vulnerable with. Like you said, not all of us are comfortable with sharing it public online. It is not the fear of being judged. Just that we don’t want to share everything with people we don’t even know.
I think you missed the point. I am not suggesting that people share everything publicly.
Thank you Sakshi for voicing out or rather putting them into words for me. I am just the same as you described at the beginning, appearing unemotional but have a dam ready to burst at any given point. I always act or look strong, but am extremely emotional barring my feelings from others for fear of being judged. I will try to be more open henceforth after reading your post.
Wondering how can you write everything straight from your heart kudos to you.
🥰
Vulnerability is natural, it makes us human. We all have our negative attributes but it takes courage to own them, open up and let the world know our fears. Your posts are honest and I appreciate how real you allow yourself to be. And yes, it makes connecting with you lot easier on a personal level (even if it’s online).
Thanks so much Varsh 😊
You know Sakshi your post was the best I read if everyone understood every word you wrote here about empathy and acknowledging emotions and processing them as true positivity I am sure there would be fewer people with depression.
Thanks so much Sivaranjini! So heartening to read this.
It is not a tradeoff, between being stoic or opening up with your vulnerability. They are both sides of the same coin – our personality.
I’ve never looked at it that way. Thanks for the fresh perspective.
You’ve made being vulnerable a hero of the post. I’m happy someone is talking about the so-called ‘negative emotions’ too because as you said, one cannot always be positive/optimistic and that feeling emotions like grief, anger, loss, sadness, is all a part of life. I love this quote by Christopher Peterson, a Michigan psychologist, who says, ‘Someone who’s unrelentingly cheerful can be a pain in the ass’
Loved the quote Manali!
Times are changed now. Vulnerability is expressed, thank God! Its better to vent out than to bottle up. Society has never been empathetic, but we need to care about ourselves and our mental health first.
Vulnerability Honestly dear friend I may not be able to express what exactly I mean about it. But there are few things I want to discuss with only some few people I am close with not mandatory my family but can be my friends or colleagues. I cannot cry infront of all but I can easily cry while expressing my pain with these people I talked above. Everybody will not understand my emotions, my pains , my distress and their are countless who will talk about you at the back when they know about your weakness… such people are the one we need to stay away from. Some make mockery of your pain asking you N number of times for the same thing…. It bleeds and it happened with me. Being expressive is good but not in front of all and I learnt that with time. Select the ones wisely to share your emotions as sharing is important not to gain sympathy but feel better and sometimes for good advice.
Ok. I’ve been doing everything mentioned in don’ts and vice versa. This is really a cause of concern. Thanks for an eye opener.
I hope some of what I wrote resonated with you. It is not easy to express vulnerability but do try.
Your story about starting your blog and unexpectedly finding healing through sharing your vulnerabilities was incredibly moving. It’s amazing how opening up about our struggles can not only help us heal but also connect us with others who are going through similar experiences.
Thank you 🙏
I am doing the same things. It is difficult but I realised it is okay to be a human. Not everytime we can be brave. It is difficult to express the real feelings but we should learn.
I can resonate much to this. That fear of not being able to express and fear of being judged was within me until I understood the need to express our vulnerability.
You have presented vulnerability very well .. vulnerability is what makes us all human …it can be expressed in today’s world is a big achievement.
Very well said and kudos to you for able to do what your are doing. Vulnerability is not a weakness but sadly it has been presumed to be that way, as you rightly said because of fear of being misunderstood or being judged. I do feel vulnerable and don’t mind sharing it with people who are close to my heart.
Sakshi, all the points you’ve mentioned in favor of expressing vulnerability are valid. I agree, it encourages others to share their struggles, fosters collaboration in finding solutions, and helps release pent-up negative emotions, leading to a greater sense of control and balance. I also appreciate how you said, when and how to allow oneself to be vulnerable.
I agree with you, being vulnerable is a healthy thing and can make one feel better. expressing oneself is so better. one can start with journaling and sharing and opening up with their thoughts and feelings with others and build that comfort.
This is quite an insightful post. Your personal journey and reflections resonate deeply, reminding me of the strength found in vulnerability. Thank you for advocating for a more open and empathetic society.
I could easily connect with your post. Yes at times to be vulnerable become difficult. But one should take it with flow so that later one should not regret.
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