This was actually not supposed to be my third post. I had no plans to write a post like this. And I don’t even know why I am writing this. But I need to write. For myself.
As he barely hangs on to his life – all I can think is that I am glad I said Thank You. I was travelling last week when I wrote my second post. He had sounded very pleased when we discussed my blog. He was happy that I had acknowledged his unselfish support to all of us. And now I am consoled remembering that happiness.
He had come to see me off at the lift and I did not know that, that was probably the last time I was seeing him conscious. I did not know when I spoke to him from Frankfurt that, that was probably the last time I will be speaking with him.
Among our various discussions, we had discussed death and beyond. He is an atheist and I remember asking him even when I was very little – what will he do if after dying he finds out that God does exist. He would laugh and say, I will accept it then.
Among other things, we discussed organ donation. I never expected how difficult it would be to discuss it with the doctors. He is 73 and unfortunately with a weak body. I do not know if the doctors will find anything that can be donated. I hope they do. Something at least. It would make him happy.
His atheism makes it difficult for me to pray for him. He would scoff at the idea. Medical Science has given up on him. What we could never make him understand was that God or faith or belief comes after all logic and knowledge ends. So I do not know who or what to turn to. Anyway it doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that I loved and he knew – I hope so at least.
In the end what matters is not that we loved or that we respected or cherished someone. What matters is that we tell them. That they know.
So please go and tell your loved ones what you feel for them. For I am sure glad that I thanked him…. Just in time.
Don’t know if something in this mood should be called beautiful. But it is. Lots of love…
Sakshi….with tears in my eyes I am writing this….I am praying for mama’s recovery and well being. Love you all.
Lots of love to you
This may be one of the most meaningful of all the posts you will ever write – so poignant, filled with raw emotion – and love.
Although I have spent only a short time with you – eleven years ago already – and so many miles separate us – I feel I know your heart – and my heart aches for you now.
I will think of you- and your family -and, yes, pray for you – and your father. It is not because he believes – or doesn’t – but because I believe. Love and thoughts to you Sakshi.
So sorry Sakshi. What you say is very true. I am glad I got the opportunity to say that to Prasanna many times before he passed away.
For me the most important paragraphs were the last two, which has really touched me!!
It is an extremely beautifully and bravely written piece with all emotions!!
I wish the collective faith of his near and dear ones for once wins over his philosophy……..
Beautiful thoughts Sakshi. With tears in my eyes I’m so thankful I spent a nice Sunday with him when he came over to our house just to meet me Satyam and Raghav in Mumbai when you all were away in US in October. I had cooked for him and was elated when he complimented on the food. Still hoping and wishing for his recovery.
I can only imagine the emotion you feel of having thanked in time… I know just how we take our parents for granted… No, not really…but we somehow forget to thank… I am glad that you told him…
Praying for his recovery…
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