Just like many women of her generation, my mother-in-law has adeptly handled her home and profession along with being skilled in many activities such as knitting, crochet, embroidery and needlework, painting, music, driving and so on. But there is a stark difference. She does all this single-handedly. Literally. She was born with a congenital defect in her right hand – she has no fingers or palm – just a small stump at the wrist. But she is a smooth operator and better than most two-handed people at many skills!!
I knew her most of my childhood and must have met her a dozen times maybe, before marrying her son. But I only realized that she operates with one hand after I got married! Of course, it says a lot about my observation skills, but it says even more about how skillfully she does everything that her disability is not immediately obvious. And it says a lot about this person who has worked all her life to make her physical drawback inconsequential. So much so that I cannot even associate the word disabled with her.
So, what goes into making such an iron-willed person? Let’s dive into her story.
Early years
Leela was born in Lucknow in 1955 – first born of the family. I don’t know what must have gone on in the mind of her parents on seeing her disability, but clearly none of that dismay filtered down to her or in her upbringing. If nothing, her parents were determined to raise her no different from another child. This is what I believe to be the foundation of her personality.
Leela’s father worked with Burma Shell, what is now known as Bharat Petroleum and had a transferable job. She was about a year old when her father was transferred out of Lucknow and her mother at the time was pregnant with her second child. It was decided to leave Leela in the care of her grandmother and uncle – perhaps because it would have been difficult for her mother to raise such a small child along with her pregnancy.
From infancy to age 6, Leela was raised by her grandmother – a devout and a strong person. Most of Leela’s memories of her early childhood revolve around her grandmother who she called ‘baua’. She bloomed under her firm but loving guidance. She fondly remembers sleeping with her, doing morning ‘paath’ with her, having watermelon ice creams on hot afternoons, playing carrom and cards. She learnt some of her first skills with ‘baua’. Baua used to knit and little Leela was fascinated – upon her request to learn knitting, baua gave her two thin sticks of a seenk jhadu and some waste wool to practice – and slowly she picked up the skill. She also learnt basic stitching and sewing on buttons and so on with her.
By the time she turned six, her father had moved to Patna, and she had two young sisters by now. She joined back her family then. Life went on at its own pace, playing gitte and stapu, skipping rope and studying under beautiful Irish nuns at Mount Carmel school. Around this time, her dad noticed her love for music and arranged for a Bengali masterji and had a small tanpura made especially for her. The entire family joined, and her mother often accompanied on the table or harmonium. Her skill building continued on the side. Her mother taught her how to stitch on a hand operated sewing machine. She was always treated at par with her two sisters and never made to feel that there was something she could not do. If she got frustrated, her mother’s mantra was to ‘keep trying until you get it’ “koshish karne se sab hoga”.
The realization of being different – and coping with it
The family moved again when she was 11. While she continued to do well at studies and extra-curricular activities, she had a growing realization of being different. Her classmates noticed her hand, and many would make fun of it – behind her back or even in front. Her best friend Sabrina, also her fierce advocate would often defend her against these girls.
She also realized to her frustration that there were some things she could not do. When Sabrina joined the NCC, Leela followed as well. She sailed through the initial desk study but when they went on field, she was turned away. The instructor went as far as to tell her that she should never have been enrolled.
Those days, those years were tough. Sabrina recalls how Leela used to cry often. It was the first time, Leela resorted to the thoughts of ‘Why me?’. Her father sensing her despair, took her to many renowned doctors at that time. They were told that her arm would have to be amputated from the elbow to put on a prosthetic hand in its place. Her father asked Leela to make a choice. She chose to remain as is. And over time worked around her apprehensions, gaining confidence.
Jaya, her friend during Bsc. says that she and her were the only two girls in their class. On their first day, she noticed her disability, she had covered her hand partially, but with a full smile on her face radiating a warm and affectionate personality. She remembers the first day of chemistry class when each student was supposed to perform a titration test to fix a burette in a holder. This needed both hands. Jaya noticed Leela sitting in deep thought, probably contemplating how to overcome this challenge. She never asked for help. Jaya went up to her, started chatting and fixed the burette for her. A help was given, a fast friendship established.
A Whiff of Romance!
Around the time she was twelve, their household had a new visitor. A dashing young man who was studying engineering in Nagpur would often come to their house. She was too young to notice him then, and I am not sure if he had already noticed this little girl at that time. But he did come fairly often, was good friends with the family including baua, with whom he would often play carrom.
When she was fifteen, her father was travelling and as he often did, had left her with a bunch of algebra questions. Anoop (the dashing young man) saw her working out her sums and offered to help. I don’t know if she really needed that help, or if this was the chance he was looking for, to get acquainted! This was the start of their friendship. She admits shyly (even today!), ‘perhaps this was the time I started liking him!’ Anoop proposed soon after. Too young to fully grasp the intensity of those emotions, all she managed was a laugh to veil her shyness.
A few years later, her family moved to Amravati, but the clandestine romance continued ‘a la Bollywood’ style – she wrote him regular letters, and he would give two rings on the phone and stop – their little secret, meaning that he would call in ten minutes and she should pick up.
Soon after Leela finished her Bsc., her father approached Anoop’s family for their wedding. There was opposition as expected – they thought that Anoop could do better, but he put his foot down. In December 1976, at the age of 21, Leela got married to Anoop and moved to Jaipur.
Single parenting: crushing it!
For most of their married lives, Leela and Anoop lived in different cities as Anoop moved from one location to another, many of which were not always family friendly. Often family commitments kept Leela from joining Anoop at his work location and as the kids grew, they preferred the stability and quality education that Jaipur provided. Hence the bulk of parenting fell on her shoulders, and she wanted to make sure that she brought up her boys to the best of her capability.
She was fully attuned to both her boys and in her own words adapted her parenting to the learning styles and personalities of the children. For example, Kapil, the elder one, had an auditory learning style and she taught him by reading aloud his lessons. Nikhil, the younger one needed help in focusing his energies on the task at hand and that is what Leela gave her attention to.
And who better to confirm that than her own sons. Nikhil thinks of her mother as the epitome of single parenting who provided them with everything from emotional support to academic guidance to ensuring extra-curricular activities to loads of fun. She also stood rock solid behind her boys. Nikhil remembers one day when he was at a friend’s place next door, and they were enjoying on the rooftop. His friend slipped by accident and fell from the roof to the hard ground below – fainted and started bleeding profusely. Before he could grasp the situation, out of nowhere he saw his mother rushing towards them like a superwoman, having jumped a five-foot wall in a saree, and took them to a hospital immediately. That day, Nikhil knew that he she would never let anything happen to him.
I also saw that play out in a different way with the elder son. Kapil had an artistic bent of mind and wanted to become a designer. Twenty-five years ago, when limited career options focused on engineering and medical science, the mere idea that a boy wanted to be a designer was scoffed at. It was, if nothing else, a woman’s profession and with no idea of job opportunities going forward. But Kapil was determined and so was his mother. She fended off the family and supported him on the promise that he will clear the entrance exams. He did and now he is a successful design entrepreneur having studied at the top design institutes in India.
AND as her daughter-in-law, I can definitely say that she completely aced in her parenting, by bringing up two solid, sensible and compassionate men. In their own ways, they are both free from the typical mold a society expects from men. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for that!
A compassionate, self-giving teacher
In the initial years of her marriage, Leela was not able to take up any profession. She had also had her two boys in quick succession. But once her second child was a few months old, her father in law suggested she starts working. “You are not the type to stay at home dear”, he said, and introduced her to a job in teaching. Long story short, she discovered her passion for teaching, starting first at a kindergarten and then at a k12 school moving up from teaching primary classes to grade 10 Maths. Her principle had full faith in her and also appointed her the coordinator for extra curricular activities. Having had a solid grounding music and arts,she set about establishing a strong cultural base for her school, unrivalled by any other school at that time. She instituted learning for an array of arts and crafts that included carpentry, blue pottery, clay modelling, needlework, gardening, western and Indian classical dance and music – both instrumental and vocal. Children were placed into different classes basis their aptitude and interest.
In the classroom, she was known as a giving, compassionate teacher. In the words of her friend and colleague Upma, “it is not easy to find someone as giving of herself as Leela. She was devoted to making her students learn and went out of her way to ensure that. I have not seen any other teacher as dedicated as her.”
She taught the much-feared subject – Maths – and taught it with complete compassion. She ensured that Maths was not a subject to be scared of and focused and on the concepts rather than just learning formulae and gave special attention to children weak in the subject. Even after retirement, she continues to teach children online and in person.
One of her students captures it perfectly, “She helps the weaker students come up to the NCERT level and expects the gifted ones to think out of the box and explore more. She is aware of the potential of each student.” Another said that she emphasizes on personally development and scoring higher marks are secondary, adding that she caters to the needs of all types of students – the weak, average and smart ones differently. One student said, “Since the beginning, Mathematics and I have been as compatible as oil and water. But when I came to class 10, you made me realise that I could actually befriend it.” A grateful parent wrote, “I want to thank you for being supportive. I could not make my child like Maths all these years, but it seems you have a magic wand. I am seeing a perceptible change in her. She is practicing Maths voluntarily and enjoying it too.”
Her Legacy
If anything, Leela’s life has been all about understanding one’s limitations and overcoming them. I believe that her disability and her parent’s upbringing – ensuring she never constrained herself due to her disability, defined her approach to life and people.
It is telling when Nikhil says that the concept of disability was foreign to him. “I grew up not knowing the term because to me, it was the other women around me who had limitations, whereas my mother appeared perfect. I believed that every woman’s right hand is supposed to be deformed like my mom’s and hence considered the other women less privileged. This perception stemmed from never witnessing her inability to do anything throughout my childhood. ”
Kapil says that his mom always believed that one can do a lot within their limitations. “It is important to understand your constraints so you know how to work with them, in spite of them. And you can do that, while keeping your spirits high. Always do justice to what you have.”
Amen to those words, and something all of us should imbibe within ourselves. I definitely try to.
I hope you were as inspired by Leela’s story as I was. Please read, comment and share. And if you have been inspired by a woman, let me know, so I can write about them too!
If you would like to read about other inspiring women I have written about, please see below:
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This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Mads’ Cookhouse.
This post is also a part of Her Journey Blog Hop hosted by Manali Desai and Sukaina Majeed”
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Regards, Sakshi aka tripleamommy
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