Are you uncomfortable expressing your vulnerability? Most likely your answer is yes. Most people closely guard their vulnerability, preferring to appear strong and brave. We have also grown up in a world where being stoic is celebrated and any vulnerability considered a weakness. Heck, the concept is even gendered, where women are considered weaker, because they are more likely to be open about their emotions, while men are supposed to handle everything calmly and with stoicism. Phrases such as “Don’t cry like a girl” or “Man it up” come from the same thinking.
And there is much wrong with that. Every human being needs to be comfortable with their own emotions, be able to acknowledge them and even share them. And it is not a tradeoff, between being stoic or opening up with your vulnerability. They are both sides of the same coin – our personality. And we need to be able to balance both. Vulnerability is our strength!
Embrace Your Vulnerability. It Is Your Strength – Not Weakness
I also grew up learning to be ‘brave’, to hide emotions. Always preferring the brain over the heart. I could not (and cannot even today) cry in front of anyone. Be it my grandfather’s death 30 years ago or my own dad’s 6 years ago – I did not shed a tear publicly. I abhor getting sympathy from anyone. But I have been changing.
Six years ago, when I decided to start my own blog, I had no inkling where this was going to lead. My objective was simply to reach out to the world and share our special needs journey – to give courage to those on a similar path as us and to create awareness and empathy in those unfamiliar with this aspect of life. I did not know then that this blog would become my connect to the world – a platform to share some of my deepest feelings. I did not expect my heart to be dictating my words. And I definitely did not anticipate that this experience would not only be cathartic for me but help others heal as well.
What really happened? Without planning to, I had embraced my vulnerability and shared it like an open book. No, it did not make me weak in anyone’s eyes. If at all, I received feedback from people who admired that I was able to share so freely. It gave them strength too. Many felt that they were not alone in the world with their problems. A reader thanked me for ‘voicing the thoughts of millions’ through my blog. Another reader, father of a special needs child, found my post online, and reached out. It comforted him to find someone else who could share his grief, who could understand what they were going through.
And I am so glad that I decided to open up.
But it is not easy to do that
Yes, I totally understand. While people admire others who can share their vulnerability, sharing their own is oftentimes difficult. Oftentimes, we are not willing to acknowledge our emotions ourselves, let alone sharing them with others. And even if we acknowledge them, we feel that it is a weakness to show it to others. Because that is what society taught us.
Societal and cultural norms and expectations (especially, around gender roles), pressurize individuals to appear resilient and composed. As a society, we cringe at the outwardly show of emotions. How many times have we heard or even told people going through grief to pull it all together, to stay calm and composed and that eventually everything will blow over. Next time, just let people release their emotions. Do not stop them.
The fear of being judged, criticized or misunderstood is another thing that keeps most of us silent. A lack of trust pushes us to keep our emotions private. This is why, an environment of trust, empathy, and open communication is important to encourage people to share, to open up.
Vulnerability is what makes us human. It is what makes us real.
If you are human, then you have the ability to feel all emotions – happiness, sadness, joy, grief, pride, shame and so on. But we have been conditioned to show the world only the positive emotions and experiences. We are happy to announce our successes on social media but hide our failures and struggles. Our reflex response to the question, “How are you”, is “I am good”.
And oftentimes, we hold our fears, stress and unhappiness so close to ourselves, we refuse to even acknowledge them. We have been talking so much about ‘being positive’ or ‘thinking positive’ that we keep brushing our negative emotions under the carpet.
I don’t disagree with having a positive thought process, but it starts with acknowledging the negative, processing it within and then looking at the positive side. Just telling ourselves that things will get better will be of no help until you have either lived through the negative emotion or acknowledged it.
Showing vulnerability can be cathartic
So often I have found my writing to be healing for my own self. Last year, I was going through a tough time, when I decided to just pour it out in a blog. As my words dispersed through the universe, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt light footed, lighthearted, light everything. My situation had not changed, the same problems continued to exist, but my mind had settled. Similarly, talking to someone, confiding in someone can have the same effect.
Sharing vulnerability helps one release pent up emotions and allows one to acknowledge and accept their imperfections, mistakes, struggles and challenges. This is a crucial step towards self acceptance and healing.
Remember, when dark clouds gather, it needs to rain for sunshine to come through.
Vulnerability generates empathy
I have noticed that of all my posts, the ones that get the most views or comments are those where I have shared either my pain or someone else’s. It’s not that people like to read of others’ pain, but that it reminds us of our own vulnerabilities. Pain connects humans and reminds us that anything can happen around the corner. The ability to be vulnerable, to share emotions can actually help establish genuine connections and generate empathy and understanding in relationships.
When you see someone else’s vulnerability, you are able to accept your own.
Vulnerability is inspiring
Vulnerability is inspiring because it takes courage to share one’s truth, to open up to potential judgement. Vulnerability is the courage to be yourself – with all your flaws, imperfections and mistakes. It encourages others to also embrace their true selves and live authentically.
Reading about other people’s challenges and resilience also inspires others to face their own difficulties and remember that obstacles can be overcome. It reminds them that they are not alone in their struggles.
Most importantly sharing one’s vulnerability normalizes imperfection and helps others embrace their flaws and start their journey of self love.
But balance is important
As I said at the beginning – vulnerability and stoicism are two sides of our personality, and we need to be able to maintain a healthy balance between the two. It takes self-awareness and emotional intelligence to know when to maintain composure and when to express vulnerability.
It is important to interpret stoicism as resilience and not self-repression. Unfortunately, the latter is connected more to being stoic. And similarly it is important to understand that being vulnerable is not being weak or abandoning strength and resilience. In fact it is entirely the opposite.
Finally, be mindful of who you are expressing your vulnerability to and the situation in which you are doing that.
Ability to express vulnerability is an important quality to have and can help in meaningful relationships as well as in developing strong leadership skills. Keep a look out for my next blog to read more on that.
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This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Bohemian Bibliophile.
Thanks for reading this post. Please like, comment and share!
Regards, Sakshi aka tripleamommy
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